Brian woke slowly, his brain groggy. There was a beeping sound near his head that he thought should be familiar, but it wasn’t placing in his mind. What played in his brain with startling clarity was the image he had seen of AJ, lying there with his hands at his throat, that horrible cord wrapped tight. He remembered scrambling to him, pain beating at him from every which way, yet knowing he had to get over there. He remembered how slippery that cord had been with AJ’s own blood.
Those painful images were enough to bring Brian further up. His brain woke a little faster. God, the bus crash! Where was everyone? Were they all ok? Nick. What had happened to Nick? He hadn’t seen him. Dear God, the one thought he didn’t want to have, had he got that off of AJ in time? Was he alive? Had Kevin and Howie crashed too or were they ok?
A hand suddenly touched Brian’s, startling him. “Bri?”
He’d recognize that deep voice anywhere. That was Kevin. Fighting the grogginess, Brian forced his eyes open. The light blinded him for a moment so that he had to blink rapidly to help his eyes adjust. Then he squinted. “Kev?” he rasped out. God, his throat sounded horrible!
The room around him cleared a little more and the last edges of grogginess seemed to be fading away. He was in a hospital. That’s what the beeping sound was. He was in a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors. A heart monitor. Reflexively his hand came up to touch his chest. When he met bandages, he started.
“Your wires broke.” Kevin’s voice came again, pulling Brian’s eyes over to him. The first thought he had was that Kevin looked like shit. There were little cuts marring his skin as well as bruises. The second was gratitude that his cousin was alive and well. “They had to fix the wires in your chest. Some, they took out. They said that not all of them were needed anymore. You’d healed enough.”
Brian tried to lift his other hand, to turn it and grasp Kevin’s hand with his, but it felt bulky and it burned when he tried to move. Kevin noticed the gesture. “You broke your arm in the crash, cos. Don’t move it right now. They did a lot of work to make it better. Plates and pins and that kind of shit. But it’s ok. That and the wires were the worst of it for you.”
God bless Kevin. He knew Brian well. Remembered that Brian didn’t like people to hide things from him in a hospital. He wanted facts and he wanted them right up front. “Are you ok?” He managed to ask.
“I’m fine. A few sore ribs, broke a couple fingers. Otherwise it’s just bumps and bruises and cuts. They patched up my thick head, but you know me, I’ve had worse.”
It took Brian a moment to work up enough moisture in his mouth to ask “The others?” AJ. Please, God, let AJ be ok. He couldn’t bring himself to ask; he was terrified of the answer he’d get.
Kevin must have seen it in his eyes. “Everyone’s alive.” He said quickly. Those words were like a lifeline for Brian, giving him the strength to wake the rest of the way up. Before Kevin could finish, though, a nurse bustled in. “Mr. Littrell, so nice to see you awake!” she exclaimed cheerfully. Competently she checked his vitals. “How’re you feeling? I can sit that bed up a little more if you’d like.”
He nodded at her, grateful. With precise movements she helped adjust his arm on a pillow and then she raised the top of his bed enough that he felt more like he was slightly reclining instead of laying down. “Thanks.” He told her.
In response, she held out a glass of water. “Here, drink this. You’ve been out for a while, you’re probably running dry. Just keep it small, even sips, please. How’s the pain level?”
“What pain?” he cracked after he took a drink. The water felt like heaven on his throat.
The woman smiled at him. “Still floating, I see. Well, you just take advantage of it. Surgery’s never fun. When the meds start to wear off, it’ll be time enough then to feel it. But we’ve got the IV in, so if the pain starts to get bad you just let us know and we’ll adjust your medication.”
After a few more questions and another check on his vitals, the nurse left the room. Almost instantly Howie came in, with an orderly pushing Nick in behind him. The sight of Nick in a wheelchair panicked Brian until he saw that Nick had a leg in a cast, held up off the end of the chair. God. For a moment his brain had assumed the worst.
“He’s awake!” Nick exclaimed. He took control of his chair, wheeling close enough that he could reach out and take Brian’s good hand. “God, it’s good to see you! How you feeling?”
Brian didn’t smile at him. He looked at them all and then looked around the room. One person was missing. “Where’s AJ?”
The three faces of his friends were suddenly wiped clear of smiles. It was Kevin who moved, who sat on the edge of his bed and took his good hand. “Bri…” In a low, painful voice, Kevin told Brian everything. From the crash and what had caused it straight up to the current moment, giving details on everyone’s injuries. Brian’s heart throbbed as he listened to Kevin describe AJ’s injures. Dear, sweet God. This was going to devastate AJ. If he woke up without a voice…fuck.
Kevin wrapped it all up by saying “You’ve been out of it most of the night and morning. It’s about afternoon time by now. Close to noon. Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold will be here by tonight. They caught the first flight out that they could. I convinced Mom to stay home. But she sends her love.”
Fear sat like a rock in Brian’s chest. He took a deep breath and shifted, trying to sit up. Instantly Kevin was pushing on his shoulder, forcing him to stay down. It was embarrassing how easy it was for Kevin to keep him down. Just one hand. “What do you think you’re doing, Brian Thomas Littrell?” Kevin’s voice took on that fatherly tone he only used when he was being serious.
It was tempting to struggle against Kevin’s hand but he knew there was no point. With the medication in his system as well as the surgery he’d apparently had there was no way that Brian would be able to compete with Kevin’s strength. So he tried reason. “I need to go see AJ.”
“You need to stay right there in the bed.”
“I need to see him, Kevin.”
“I am not letting you up out of this bed. You’re staying right there. We’ll arrange for you to go down later and go see him. They’re going to room the two of you together as soon as they’ve determined that you’re both stable.”
Stable? God above, was AJ not stable? The urgency grew stronger. “I need to see him. I have to see with my own eyes that he’s ok.” Brian pleaded. He knew how he sounded and he didn’t care. Didn’t they understand? “I’d feel the same with any of you. But I’ve see all of you, aches and all. I see you up and moving around. My brain knows you’re ok and so does my heart. But I need to see him so I know he’s ok.”
It was Nick who spoke up next, drawing Brian’s attention. “Bri, you had surgery last night. You need to relax. I promise you, I’ve seen him. He’s not even awake yet; they’re keeping him under right now.” He tried to reassure. Couldn’t they understand how those words made his panic stronger? AJ wasn’t even awake yet!
None of them understood. God, he hated these places, hated what happened inside of them. Yet here the five of them were in varying degrees of pain and they wouldn’t even let him go see the one that captured his heart the most. How on earth was he supposed to relax? He’d never be able to relax until they took him in to see AJ with his own two eyes. Another thought struck him and had his eyes sliding closed.
Kevin squeezed his hand lightly. “What, Bri? Do you need more meds?” He paused, obviously turning to the others. “Go get the nurse.”
“No.” Brian said quickly. He opened his eyes to look at his three best friends. “No, don’t get her. I’m fine, pain wise. I feel like I’ve got enough medication in me to fell an elephant, Kev, so chill.”
“Then what is it? You looked so hurt for a minute.”
“None of you are understanding. It’s not just for me that I need to go see him.” He tried to look at them, to stress with his voice and his expression how important this was. “He’ll need me. He hates hospitals too.”
“We know that.” Howie said kindly. “We’re checking in on him. One of us will be there when he wakes up. We’ll try to keep him calm.”
Dammit! They still weren’t listening to him! “You guys all think he just dislikes these places. It’s more than that. He really, really hates them. They scare the hell out of him like nothing else. If someone comes at him with a needle of any kind he’s liable to panic. He could try running out of the room just to get away from them. I need to be in there to not just keep him calm but keep him from hurting himself.”
All of them, even Howie, looked a little surprised and a little skeptical of Brian’s statement. Howie was kind, almost patronizing, as he tried to reassure Brian. “I’m sure he was exaggerating when he told you, Bri. I know he hates these places and one of us will be there to hold his hand and talk to him, but so long as he’s distracted he should be ok.”
“We won’t let him be alone, don’t worry.” Kevin added in. Even Nick was trying to smile reassuringly at him. “Really, Frick, they’re gonna move you down there soon enough anyways. It’ll be fine.”
It was almost too much to argue with. Brian laid his head back and tried to count to ten to bring his temper and panic under control. This wasn’t their fault. None of them understood because none of them had ever been to a hospital with AJ before. How could they know what they were talking about if they’d never witnessed it before?
Brian took a few small sips off his water. This talking was tiring him out more than he wanted to admit and the pain medication was trying to lull him back down to sleep. But this was important. More important than they realized. “Look, guys, I will say this one time and, if any of you repeat it to AJ, I will hurt you once I’m better.”
He opened his eyes, glaring for a moment until they all nodded at him. Then he continued. “I’ve been to the hospital with AJ, more than once over the years. When Denise fell and hurt her leg and we went to see her. When he almost busted his ankle that day at rehearsal. An once, one night at a hotel when the idiot came down to see me and was goofing off. He’d been picking on me for a while and I finally decided to chase him down. He ran out my door, tripped on the way, fell, and cut the side of his head open on the door latch.”
His story was interrupted by Nick snickering. Everyone looked at him. “What?” He demanded, trying to smother his grin. “I remember AJ getting those stitches! I knew he hadn’t been hit by someone. He was too vague in the story.”
That had the effect of making Brian smile. “Yeah, he was embarrassed about it and swore me to secrecy. I took him in so they could stitch his thick skull. Just driving over there had him panicking. By the time we got there he was white, and I mean white. By the time we got back into the little room, he was shaking from head to toe hard enough that he was vibrating the chair he sat in.”
“Damn.” Kevin whispered.
“Yeah. The doctor came in, setting everything out that he’d need to stitch AJ’s head. All it took was one look at the needle to set AJ off. Luckily I’d been watching and I grabbed him before he could bolt. He fought me to get free, saying he’d just tape it shut, he’d be fine. I had to sit on the exam bed and literally hold him against my chest, physically hold him in place, so they could numb that patch and sew in the four stitches he had. He had to choke back a sob every single time the guy’s hands moved. I’m only telling you guys this so you understand. He will not be ok with one of you holding his hand when he wakes up. I need to be there.”
“And you will, Mr. Littrell.” A strange voice said from the doorway.
Brian almost jumped at the sound of this voice he didn’t recognize. He swung his head toward it and found a man dressed in a doctor’s uniform. The man had a handsome smile, he thought randomly. A nice, kind face.
He also seemed very comfortable with the other guys. He smiled at them as he strode forward, holding one hand out to Brian. “My name’s Dr. Brand and I’m the attending physician for you and your friends and I promise that within the next fifteen to thirty minutes you will be in a joint room with Mr. Mclean. He’s not yet awake, and we can guarantee he stays that way until you two are in the same room. I’d like to prevent problems like what you just told in your story.”
Dr. Brand had very direct eyes, Brian found himself thinking. There was honesty in them as well. Brian shook the man’s hand. “I’ll hold you to that.” He said seriously. Then, because he couldn’t resist, he flashed his famous smile. “If you don’t, I’ll probably end up walking around till I find him.”
“Well, we’ll have to move you quickly then. Wouldn’t want to have the press sneak in and snap a candid photo of your backside as you search the halls.” Dr. Brand quipped.
Laughter bubbled up, tickling Brian’s throat. He chuckled quietly, conscious of the ache starting to form in his chest. “I’ve decided I like you.” He announced grandly.
Dr. Brand chuckled back at him. “You just like me for my drugs.” He answered pertly, making everyone laugh. “That’s ok though, I’m used to it. It’s my lot in life.”
“Modest too.” Brian teased him back. It felt good, normal, to tease someone. “You’ll get along grandly with AJ. He’s just as modest as you are.”
Just like that, Brian’s thoughts turned serious again. Would he ever hear AJ’s beautiful voice taunting him again? Would he get to hear AJ singing as they practiced lyrics together? Or cursing fluently at he tried to fix their car? The thought of the pain that AJ would be in, both physical and mental, was very sobering. Brian didn’t even think about his own pain anymore, though it was starting to come to life. Just as he’d always done he now sat there and focused on those he loved instead of himself.
It seemed that Dr. Brand sensed it, at least slightly. He was at Brian’s IV, adjusting things a little without even being told. Within a moment Brian felt the calming wave of medication in his system. The ache in his chest started to fade back down to a manageable level again.
Dr. Brand looked down at him and faked a long-suffering look. “I can see what kind of patient you’ll be.” He said with a sad shake of his head. “Always complaining, demanding my time and my drugs.” His expression turned soft. “You’ll be moved down to join Mr. Mclean in a moment. Why don’t you just rest, Mr. Littrell? I give you my promise, you’ll be there as quickly as possible.”
It was a matter of trust. Brian had always considered himself good at reading those around him. He had a feeling that this man was one that didn’t give a promise lightly. Cocking his head, Brian stuck a hand out. “Brian.” He said with a small smile. “If you’re going to potentially see me naked, the least you can do is call me Brian.”
The handshake he received was firm, another good point in the man’s favor. “As you wish, Brian. Now, let me go see about getting some orderlies in here.” Dr. Brand moved toward the door, obviously ready to do as he said. He paused, though, when he reached the doorway, looking back over his shoulder at Brian with that twinkle back in his eyes. “For the record, I’ve already seen you naked. So, you can call me Brand. Leave off the Doctor part if you want. Seems only fair.” With that, he was gone.”
There was nothing else that Brian could do but laugh. They’d got one hell of a doctor here. He trusted him to do as he said, which was good, and the man had a sense of humor, also good. Thinking about that, Brian laid his head back against the bed. He never noticed as his friends drifted toward the door. Never noticed when the orderlies came in. Pain and medication swirled together until they pulled him back down into the healing waves of sleep.