*From the Private Journal of Tobias Radcliff*
The more I learn in the ‘AJ Mclean’ case, the more I find myself drawn into the story of this man. Ever since he provided that document for me, as well as his real name, I’ve been trying to take the time to sort through it all. Roy is the only person I’ve shared this information with. The rest of the team doesn’t even know what’s in the document. I had a tech I trusted make sure that there was no copy of that file left anywhere on the system and left them with orders to report to me if anything like this is seen on anyone’s system. Sad that, in this, I worry if I can trust even my own team. But I know I can trust Roy. He’s in this with me, 100%.
Program Shadows.
Why does it surprise me to find a program so secret that no one else but those involved know of it? My own team operates under its own cloak of secrecy. The clearance level to even know the true purpose of my team is higher than almost everyone has. The amount of people that know my teams true purpose is so small that we almost don’t really exist to anyone else. But still, it surprised me to read that this project carried a classification level higher than that of my team.
Still, I read what AJ sent me. How much of this is true? That’s something that Roy and I discussed together. How do we know how much of this is true? Do we trust anything that AJ has given us? Would someone like him be honest? The brain says no, but my gut says yes. My gut is telling me that this is all true.
Program Shadows, it says, was a program that was designed to take subjects that were not legally a part of the United States and to raise them up as patriots. To see if patriotism could be instilled from that young age. But deeper than that, under more secrecy and more hiding, more was listed in their purpose. To take impressionable children and train them and raise them to become assassins. Ghosts. To raise killers to work in secret for our country on covert missions that we ourselves cannot take care of.
This sickens me.
Children? They trained up children to be assassins? There were no photos in here, not list of how this was done, nothing like that. No names of those they trained, for it says in here that identity is stripped from them, leaving them a true ghost. I know, I know, my thoughts are jumbling out onto the page, making no sense maybe, but this is how they’re playing in my mind. All of it is looping over and over. Is this what AJ is telling me he was a part of?How does Senator Jameson enter into this? He’s a prominent man in a high position. To make accusations could be deadly to myself and my team. But it looks in here like he was up to his eyeballs in the whole thing.
I have no idea what to do with this information, but maybe writing some of it down here will help. Who knows. For now, I think it may be time to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tobias closed his journal and sighed. Usually it helped to clear his brain out when he wrote down his jumbled up thoughts. The secrets and such in his journal were enough to get a lot of people into a lot of trouble, himself included, if it ever fell into the wrong hands. But it was how he managed to work through some problems that baffled others. He wrote out his thoughts and somehow, from that, he organized it all into straight lines.
Rising, he punched in his code and opened his safe, sliding his journal in. He shut the door and activated the lock again. Well, tonight it may not have helped much, but maybe it had emptied his head enough for him to go settle down in bed. The hour was late and he needed to sleep.
In ten minutes he’d done his nightly rituals and had stripped down and climbed into his bed. The covers were warm and comfortable, but sleep still seemed to elude him. He lay there, staring at the ceiling, the facts of the case running through his mind. There were so many things that seemed like they didn’t fit together. He had more questions than answers and if there was one thing he hated, it was not being able to find the answers to his questions. At the moment, though, they’d hit a standstill in their case.
The information in the file was incomplete. There were some things that no one could answer. No one but AJ, that was, or the Senator. But he couldn’t just take his suspicions and go ask the Senator to answer his questions. If half of what was in this file was true, it wouldn’t be long before one of these trained people was turned against him if he dared to even hint he might expose the Senator.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, he felt himself drift off to sleep.
It was hours later that something startled him up and out of sleep. There was the sound again, a slight cough. Automatically he jerked, reaching for the gun he kept in the drawer.
“I wouldn’t move if I were you.”
Tobias held completely still. He’d recognize that voice anywhere. The warmth to it, the prominent rasp, the amusement that seemed to lace through everything. It was a voice he had heard countless times in videos he’d watched for background and in the phone call that replayed over and over in his mind. “Alex.”
“In the flesh.”
Lying perfectly still in his bed, Tobias searched the darkened room with his eyes. “May I at least sit up? Or do I need to lie here while you say whatever it is you’ve come to say?”
“Oh, you can sit up, Tobias. I like to look at the people that I’m talking to. But I don’t want you reaching for anything. I also don’t want you pressing the little button under the lip of your nightstand that calls security. I already have your gun and your cell; I didn’t want to have to disable your security system as well. Too much hassle.”
Well, hell, the man had thought of everything, hadn’t he? Tobias sat up slowly, trying to make sure that his movements were visible even in the dark. “Would you mind turning on a light?” he asked. Still his voice was calm. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel the least bit afraid. “I’m not overly fond of conversing with men with guns in the dark. I like to be a little warned before I’m shot.”
There was a soft chuckle only seconds before a lamp switched on, bathing the room in a dim, warm light. For the first time, Tobias got a look at AJ Mclean, face to face. The man he saw wasn’t quite as he’d expected to see him.
AJ sat in the wingback chair that Tobias kept in his room near the fireplace for reading. The chair had been turned to face the bed. The man in it was relaxed, his gun hand resting easily on the arm of the chair, the gun pointed toward Tobias. Dressed in dark jeans and a long sleeved dark shirt, AJ would have easily blended in to the dark. He wore nothing on his head, no glasses on his face. Surprisingly, his feet were bare.
There was a small smile curving AJ’s lips. His brown eyes, eyes that Tobias had seen so often lately in photos, were twinkling with good humor. Almost everything recent he had seen of this man showed a humor toward life that never seemed to go away. It was quite a contrast to the images of him when he was younger; so sober and serious. Then, the smiles had seemed forced.
“Well, isn’t this just cozy.” AJ said jokingly. “You don’t happen to sleep with a gun in your bed now do you, Tobias?”
“Not particularly fond of sleeping with weapons.” Tobias replied. That only made AJ chuckle again. Shifting, Tobias laid his hands on his lap, crossing his legs under his blanket. It was obvious that AJ was in the mood to talk, just as it was obvious that he’d thought of pretty much everything that would make this trip safe.
For just a moment the two took their measure of each other. It surprised Tobias to find his lips wanting to curve in a smile to match AJ’s. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this nighttime visit?” He asked politely. All things aside, he’d observed the manners that AJ had used when they’d interacted. He judged it best to keep those manners going.
It seemed to please AJ a little. Was there anything that didn’t make this man smile or laugh? He seemed so full of the joy of life. Quite at odds with the crimes he was accused of. “Oh, I thought you and I might both benefit from a chance to talk without anyone around to listen in on us.” AJ surprised Tobias again when he laid the gun down in his lap, letting go of it. That was a definite sign of trust. “I take it you’ve had time to read a little of the information I sent you?”
“I did.”
“I imagine you have loads of questions for me, Tobias. Please, ask away. If I can answer it, I will, and honestly too.”
It surprised Tobias to realize that he believed him. Here was the one thing he’d actually been wishing for so desperately before he’d fallen asleep. Answer to his questions. A way to fill in the holes in everything that he knew. But one question popped into mind first and foremost and had him grinning wryly as he asked it. “Damn. It was you visiting Howie yesterday, wasn’t it?”
AJ threw his head back and let out a deep throated laugh. When it subsided, he brought his eyes back to Tobias. “I didn’t think that would fool you. Not with everything I know about you.” His humor disappeared for a moment. “I sincerely hope Howie isn’t going to end up in trouble over this. I have no plans to visit any of the guys beyond yesterday.” The warning in those words was clear.
“Of course not. I can’t blame a man for wanting to know his best friend was ok.” Tobias reassured him. “No, the agents have some things to answer for, losing a man like that. But your friend isn’t in any trouble.”
“Good. Now, shall we get back to the matter at hand?”
God, what question to ask first! Tobias felt all this thoughts racing through his mind, trying to figure out what was the most important to ask first. What would be best? “There’re plenty of things I’d like to know.” He said slowly. “The document you sent me gives a base of some generic facts, some of which I found surprising, others appalling. It’s hard to believe that somewhere, people are gathering children and training them to be killers.”
The laughter drained off of AJ’s face. For the first time, Tobias saw underneath that mask. “Try to be the one who lives it and see how appalling you find it, Tobias.” He said seriously.
This seemed the safest place to start. Understanding AJ’s story. “You were brought into this program?”
“I was.” Sighing, AJ shifted, curling his legs up in the chair and rearranging the gun in his lap. He didn’t pick it back up, though, but it did stay in easy reaching distance of his hand. “I was seven when they took me and brought me to their base. At the time, it was in Scotland. It’s not there anymore.”
That threw Tobias. “You were seven years old? But you were just a baby!” He couldn’t keep the shock from his voice.
Suddenly there seemed to be a lifetime of pain in AJ’s eyes. “They took me to a man who told me his name was Allan. He asked me if I was loyal to the United States. If I wanted to be a part of that great country. Of course I did. I’d been raised to believe in this country and all it stood for. How could I not want that? Then he asked me if I wanted to help my new country. Can you understand how that feels for a seven year old boy who has never belonged to be given the opportunity to help the country he’s always wanted to be a part of and was always denied access to?”
His eyes moved, looking off to the side for a minute. “When he asked me if I would do anything for this country, I told him yes, so eager to help. By doing that, I consigned myself to hell.”
Caught in the moment, Tobias forgot all about his questions, forgot all about the investigation against this man in front of him. All he could think of was what was being told. AJ seemed to understand that. He kept speaking, the horrifying words coming from him in a story that Tobias knew he had to hear.
“There was a group of kids around my age. None younger, but some older. We were grouped together in a clump of ten. We were put through training more vigorous than anything the academy ever did to you. We did physical fitness every single day and sometimes for days in a row. We were taught to endure, to go without sleep if necessary. To move our bodies in ways that you wouldn’t think possible. Flexibility and agility were important. We needed to be able to get into tight places, up onto things, through obstacle courses.
“They taught us to fight. Against teachers at first. Then we practiced on each other. Then they brought in people that they told us were criminals sentenced to die. We were to take them down first. Then, as we grew, we were to kill them. No mercy. Do not show mercy to traitors.
“When we weren’t in physical training, we were in schooling. They taught us not only our own language, but others as well. More than you’d know. We were taught to see what others don’t. In a sense, Tobias, we were taught everything an assassin needs to survive. Then, when we graduated, we were set free to make our own identity in our new country. I created Alexander James. I was put into DSHS and adopted by Denise Mclean.”
He shrugged as if pushing off that part of his story. “The skills I have are necessary to survival. Hand to hand, weapons, explosives…the list goes on and on.” Here that smile came back, so sharp and sudden that it surprised Tobias. “But I don’t think I’ll tell you all those. You might use those against me, later, and there’s still so much work left to do. Suffice to say, I have talent. They made sure of that.”
Once again his grin faded away. “I researched as best I could into this before I sent information to you. To the best of my understanding, my group was the first. Only one other came after us. Beyond that, too many people left, there wasn’t enough to continue. That’s what I’ve gathered so far. They haven’t trained any more than twenty of us. I’ve been researching all the others like myself.”
His eyes turned to lock onto Tobias again. “The second group didn’t survive into adulthood. They’re the reason the center was closed. They tried to change things, to add drugs and other things to make a more super-assassin. It didn’t work. Too much insanity. They had to be put down. I, myself, killed three of them, on orders. That leaves the original ten, one of which is dead. I killed him the night you caught up to us at my friend’s apartment. So there’s nine left, myself included, all out there killing for ‘our country’. But I don’t think that’s what it is.”
“You don/t?” Tobias finally found his voice again. Images from AJ’s story seemed to dance in his mind. “What do you mean?”
“I think this is more, and yet so much less, than what they told us. I think some of the people involved in this training used us, not for our country, but for personal gain. A lot of the people I’ve killed have been high ring mafia or drug cartel. Politicians here and there in foreign countries. Random people that looked totally normal. A whole scale of things. I think I’ve killed for some person’s personal gain, monetary gain, or to further a career. I’ve been used.”
Sweet God. The implications of all of this was staggering. His mind easily made the leap to the one person that would be the head. “You’re saying that the Senator made you all so he could use you…”
“That’s what I believe.” AJ agreed with him. His voice was quiet, slightly lethal. “I intend to find out, Tobias. Until I know the truth, I won’t stop. I tell you that right now. I won’t stop. Neither will he. I hacked the files where we received our ‘jobs’ from. There’s a standing order on my life right now.”
That news was shocking. Tobias couldn’t seem to find his voice in the face of all this information. It had vanished on him once again.
“They’ve taken the life of a friend of mine, tried to take my life, and they shot the most important person in my world. I will not hesitate to take down any other assassins as they come across me. We may have been trained together, but I was the best. I intend to stay that way. I’ll take them out and I’ll move on. I will find out the truth.”
“And when you do? If what you believe is true?”
“Then I’ll kill him.”
Those words, spoken so calmly, so sure, sent a shiver down Tobias’s spine. “You know I have to stop you, Alex.” He found himself saying. “I can’t let you kill him. If he did what you say, if you find proof, we’ll put him away. But I can’t let you play God.”
Another smile had laugh lines showing on AJ’s face. “You know you can try, Tobias. But you won’t catch me. Not until I want you to. And if I find my proof, that’ll be enough for me. It won’t be over if that man sits in a jail pulling his strings from in there. Or if he buys he way out and flees the country to start up all over somewhere else. This won’t be done with until he’s dead.”
Calm as could be, AJ picked up his gun and rose from his chair. “This visit has been fun, Tobias, it really has. I’ve enjoyed telling my story to you. Surprisingly, it matters to me that you understand. That you know the truth. That way, if something ever does happen to me, my story doesn’t die with me. I think you have a strong enough sense of honor that, if I die, you wouldn’t let this just be swept under the rug. I wouldn’t end up just another face. Just another body.”
“Can I ask why it is you came to see me tonight, Alex?” Tobias asked. The question burned to be answered. Yes, the story AJ had told had answered a few of Tobias’s questions. But what did AJ gain out of this? So far there was nothing that had been said that would hold any kind of relevance to AJ’s situation. Hell, AJ had done most of the talking!
In that instant, as a soft smile curved AJ’s lips and his eyes went warm as melted chocolate, Tobias saw someone totally different than the killer on the pages.
AJ’s answer eerily resembled Tobias’s thoughts. “I wanted you to see more than just a picture, Tobias. More than just a face on a page. More than AJ of the Backstreet Boys. I wanted you to understand the person behind all of that.” He looked down at the gun in his hand, his eyes going even softer. “I wanted you to see the person Brian’s made me. Who I was and what I did are so different than who I am now.”
“You really do love him, don’t you?”
“With every fiber of my being. But more than that, he’s not just the love of my life, he’s the very reason I’m alive. He’s the reason I’m here now, talking to you, working to make the future right for us. If he hadn’t come into my life and changed me, I’d be dead. If this situation had happened and I hadn’t known Brian, I would have held no qualms on killing each person who got between me and my final goal. That includes you.” When AJ looked up, Tobias could clearly see the love that AJ felt for his partner. It was amazing. “He’s not just my love or my partner. He’s my north star. That’s what I tell him, you know. My north star that guides me home, no matter how far away I travel or how dark my world gets. He’s always there, shining at me.”
AJ turned and moved toward the bedroom door. Hand on the doorknob, he turned around and gave Tobias one last smile. “I’m glad we had this chat, Tobias. I hope we can again one day.”
Tobias found himself smiling back at him. “I’d like that.” He thought he actually would. The person he saw here, so different than the person he’d thought he was chasing, seemed like someone that Tobias thought he would like very much.
One last smile, a wink, and AJ was out the door, shutting it silently behind him. Tobias didn’t go after him. He didn’t move to press the security button on his dresser. No, his mind full of everything AJ had just told him, he walked over and shut off the lamp and then climbed in to bed. This time, he had no problems falling asleep.