I used my time in the kitchen to settle myself down. Everything that AJ had told me seemed to bounce around like rocks inside of my head. Oh, man, I wanted to deny it all so badly. To pretend that I’d never heard that horrible story. Pretend that my lover hadn’t just told me he was a contract killer for the United States. What were we in, some movie? It seemed so surreal. How many people had he killed in his life? How many lives was he responsible for?
Another part of me bled. Bled for the pain that AJ had lived with in his life. Bled for the small boy who had only wanted to belong to a country that had seemed like a dream just out of his reach. These people had taken an impressionable young child and brainwashed him and beat him until they molded him into what they wanted him to be. To know that he’d been twelve when he’d made his first kill on their orders, it just sickened me. How on earth could they do that to a child?
Logic would suggest that learning something like this would change how you felt about a person, right? But, I don’t quite know how to explain this. My love for him wasn’t changed in the least. He was still the person I’d fallen in love with. He was still my sweet, kind Alex. There was just more to him than I’d ever known.
Maybe it was that my mind had been preparing for something ever since that first time I’d seen AJ’s scars. Maybe seeing AJ take down the man at the club had something to do with it too. Those little things, combined with the few talks we’d had about his reluctance to tell me about his past, those might have prepared me just a little for this so that it wasn’t as much of a shock. It was still horrifying to hear and to even think of. But part of my mind seemed to accept it even as AJ was telling it to me.
AJ says that it’s just that I have amazing coping skills. He’s telling me right now that my mind is different than other peoples. It processes things quicker and reacts better than most to horrible news. I think he’s a little biased when it comes to me, but we won’t get into that. Let’s just say that, by the time I was done making AJ a sandwich and grabbing him some of the OJ from the fridge, as well as a glass of water, I’d found some kind of peace in myself. He was still my Alex. Nothing was going to change the love I felt for him. The love I still feel.
I went back into the bedroom, taking him the food and drinks. When I walked in I saw the fear flash into his gorgeous eyes. I saw him try to quickly mask it. And my heart simply broke for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian walked toward the bed, setting the two glasses on the nightstand. He handed AJ the sandwich. “You need to eat.” He said. It was easy to see the nerves in AJ, making his hands shake as he reached up and took the sandwich. While Brian had been in the kitchen, AJ had shifted pillows and propped himself up in bed. He sat quietly as he ate his food.
About halfway through, Brian lifted his gaze to look at AJ’s eyes. There were so many things he wanted to say. So many questions he wanted to ask. But the agony in AJ’s eyes mixed with the fear was his undoing. He did the only thing he could do. “I love you, Alex.”
That had AJ gaping at him. “Still?”
“Yes.” A smile curved Brian’s lips. He realized that it was true. No matter what AJ had said, that love was still there. “I can’t say I approve of what you did, but it doesn’t change how my heart feels about you. You were just a child when they did this to you, Alex. Just a little boy. You had no chance against them.”
“I could’ve hid out when I got free.” AJ’s voice was hesitant, as if he was forcing himself to say the words. It was obvious he didn’t want to say anything to chase Brian away, but he felt he had to make sure that Brian saw the truth. Or, at least, the truth as AJ perceived it. “At any point since then I could’ve used my skills to try and make myself disappear. Once they set me free, all the choices I made beyond that were mine. I’m responsible for them.”
“Alex, you were taken as a child by people you were raised to trust. They took you, said things to make you feel like what you were doing was the only way you’d be able to be in this country. Then they tortured you. They tortured you and broke your mind. Then they put a gun into the hands of a child and taught you things no kid should know. To you, this was your life. This was what you were brought up to believe was normal. How can I judge you for doing the only thing you were raised to know how to do?”
Tears stood in AJ’s eyes. They reached down and touched Brian’s heart and reaffirmed the faith he had in his love. That may have been the person that AJ was, but how could he think that he was a bad person now? The love and tears in his eyes, the slight tremor in his lip, gave testament to the soft heart and soul inside of him.
To give himself time to gain control, AJ drank down the orange juice in one long drink. His sandwich was gone by now. Brian took those dishes, setting them on the nightstand, next to the glass of water. Once his hands were freed, he reached over and took hold of AJ’s. “I love you, Alex. You. This stuff, it isn’t going to change that.”
Without a word, AJ took Brian’s hand and pulled him into the bed. The two cuddled up against one another, needing no more words, only the touch of their partner. They lay there together, just enjoying the feel of the other one against them. Brian broke the silence only long enough to whisper “I’ll need to make sure Marc can get back in.”
“Marc has the key to the deadbolts and knows how to slide a chain lock.” AJ whispered back.
After that, there were no more words. The events of the day finally caught up to them and the two fell sound asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the sound of the door slamming open that woke AJ up from a dead sleep. His instincts took over and he reached under the mattress where he knew Marc kept a gun. It was already cocked and pointed at the door before Brian even finished waking up. There was another slam as the door shut and then footsteps racing toward the bedroom. The only thing that saved the person being shot was his voice calling out “God damn you, you little son of a bitch!”
AJ recognized the voice, just as he recognized the anger behind it. He put an arm over Brian’s chest, keeping him from moving from the bed. Instead, his lover sat up beside him, wiping sleep from his eyes. The bedroom door burst open and Marc flew in, flinging AJ’s bags at him. “What is this shit you’re into?” He immediately demanded.
“What the hell are you bitching about?” AJ demanded. He carefully lowered the gun, but he kept it cocked and ready to go. Something was up.
Marc looked furious. “There’s fucking federalii parked across the street from this complex.” He snapped out. “What did you do that got them involved? What have you dragged me into?”
All color drained from AJ’s face. The Feds? What the hell was the Federal Government doing near this complex? He wasn’t stupid enough to believe it was a coincidence. Curses slid past his lips as he pulled himself up out of the bed. A glance at the clock showed that he and Brian had been asleep for about two hours. That would have to do. “I shouldn’t have come here, Marc. I’m sorry.” He told his friend. Already his hands were moving over his bags, checking the contents. “Brian, go grab our stuff from the dining room, would you? We need to change and get out of here as of an hour ago.”
His lover didn’t question him, didn’t even bat an eye. He just rose from the bed and moved quickly toward the kitchen.
“What is going on, AJ? Do you not trust me enough to tell me when you drag me into shit like this?” Marc demanded of him in Romanian.
Stripping down to his boxers, AJ answered him in the same language as he worked. “The only person I trust more than you is my lover over there. You’re the only one I’ve told my name to, not an alias.” When Brian came back in, AJ took the bag of clothes and started to dress. He tossed a fresh shirt and jacket to Brian. “I have no idea why feds are after me, Marc, I swear to you. A while back I stopped logging on, stopped taking jobs, but part of my job description is that no one knows who I really am. To them, I’m a login number. They have no idea who I am. So I should have been able to cut my losses. Then I get shot at and now the feds are here. I don’t have a damn clue what’s going on but I’m going to figure it out.” He looked up as he added weapons from his bag onto his body. “You’re right; I never should’ve dragged you into this shit.”
“Pah.” Marc spat, waving a hand. All the anger was gone from his face. “You and I, we’re friends. Who else do you run to but friends? You say you didn’t know, I believe you. You had no idea what you’d be bringing here. We must focus on getting out, now.”
“How about switching to English for the rest of the room?” Brian spoke up suddenly.
A grin tugged at AJ’s lips when he looked over at his lover. Brian was dressed in the new clothes AJ had handed him and was busy putting their other supplies into one of the backpacks on the bed. “Sorry, love.” AJ apologized. “I just told him some of the stuff I told you about quitting.”
“Yes, yes.” Marc said in English. He too was moving, changing clothes and gathering his weapons from around the bedroom. “Bill and coo at one another later. Now, we get out before we die.”
That snapped the serious mood back into the room. AJ switched his brain over to the task at hand. “How bad is it?”
“I saw two sharpshooters, so you can bet there’s at least one more. Two SWAT teams are out there, an unmarked van for surveillance I assume. That’s not saying if they’re sending any of your own in after you.”
“Shit.”
“They’re just setting up when I got in, though, so if we move now we can go.”
Each man put a bag on their back, slinging them on like backpacks so they could move easier. AJ pulled a gun out, a silencer attached to the front, and so did Marc. Silently they moved toward the front door. While Marc checked to make sure the coast was clear, AJ took hold of Brian’s sleeve, pulling him close for a quick kiss. “You stick to me like glue. Do what I tell you, when I tell you.” He whispered against his lips. “It’s our best shot at getting out alive. Even if the order seems stupid, I won’t have time to explain it. Just trust that I know what I’m doing, please.”
“I trust you, Alex.” Brian whispered back.
There was no more time after that. Marc gestured them toward the door. AJ slid his hand down, lacing his fingers with Brian’s, pushing aside the pain that moved through his arm as he did so. Pain wasn’t important. He’d been taught to ignore it when it was necessary. Later, he could hurt. Now, there wasn’t time for it.
Lamps lit the parking lot, leaving no adequate cover for them to escape under. As AJ tried to think what to do, Marc pulled a little remote out of his pocket. “Be prepared to move fast.” He whispered. “This is the only way to move without being seen but it’ll give us away.” Then he pressed the button on his remote. Instantly all the lights shut off.
They wasted no time. Quick as they could they raced down the stairs, following Marc to the far end of the parking lot. Behind them they could hear footsteps as the SWAT teams raced towards Marc’s apartment. But the three of them were already darting between the fence and the next building, using the darkness as a cover.
There was no way they’d be able to get a car here, and a car was what they needed. So they had to settle for escaping the complex and getting to a car.
Four buildings down from Marc’s apartment, AJ just barely caught sight of a shifting shadow before someone was jumping off the top of the parking shelter, tackling him to the ground. AJ landed with a grunt, using the momentum from the fall to hit and roll, taking his attacker with him. The two wrestled for a minute, long enough for AJ to recognize the same fighting style that he himself used. This guy was like him. That would make this a challenge. But AJ hadn’t ranked in the top of his group for nothing.
He narrowly avoided the man’s fist. A twist and a jab with his elbow gave just enough room for his hand with the gun to slide between them. AJ didn’t hesitate to press the gun against the man’s chin and pull the trigger.
Blood and brain matter sprayed everywhere. Even as the body dropped, AJ was shifting away from it and shooting to his feet. He saw his lover standing there, staring wide eyed at him and the corpse. There was no time for this. AJ snagged Brian’s hand and dragged him along. They needed to move!
Marc was ahead of them, not having stopped to wait and see what was going on. He knew that AJ would either handle it, or he’d be dead. In this world, there was no either/or.
Voices sounded behind them right as they caught up to Marc. Orders were being shouted out for directions to go. Damn! The SWAT was behind them. He heard when they found the body. AJ doubled his speed, thankful that Brian was athletic enough to keep up with him.
Suddenly Marc spun, sliding through a barely visible tear in the metal fence to their right. AJ didn’t hesitate to dart in after him, still pulling Brian behind him. That brought them to a small grassy embankment and down to a small flowing body of water. AJ saw what Marc’s goal was in the glint of the moonlight. There were two water drain pipes up ahead.
Without hesitation, Marc chose the one on the left, darting inside. They were small enough that they had to drop down to their hands and knees to get inside. Keeping an eye behind them, AJ gestured for Brian to go in ahead of them. He was grateful that Brian didn’t question him. He just got on all fours and started to crawl.
AJ moved in behind them, trying to keep a lookout and keep his gun above water. He didn’t want to put it away; that would slow his reaction time. So he twisted a little so that he managed to crawl and keep it out of the water below them.
They crawled for quite a ways, ten minutes at AJ’s best guess, before light appeared ahead of them. There was no sound of pursuit behind them. He just prayed that there’d be nothing waiting for them ahead. He hated having to do it, but he had to wait and trust to Marc to check that everything was clear before they exited the drain pipe.
When AJ emerged, he saw they were at the edge of another creek. This pipe was underneath a bridge. On that bridge, AJ could hear plenty of people walking and talking. He moved to the side of the pipe, squatting down by the creek. Gently he laid his gun on a rock right next to him. Then he bent forward enough to look into the water. Blood was on his face, in his hair. His hands.
God, he was so tired of having so much blood on his hands. They shone lightly in the dark, bright with the man’s blood. He had killed again tonight. For months now he’d gone without killing. He’d honestly quit his work. But now, in one night, he’d killed someone again. A man whose name he didn’t even know. What was worse, he didn’t feel any real guilt.
Oh, he hated that it had been done. But it was more that he’d done something he’d sworn not to do, not the man himself, which bothered AJ. The man had been trying to kill him and, given the circumstances, AJ knew he’d made the right choice. If he’d left him alive, he could have come after them. Hurt them. Hurt Brian.
A warm hand closed over AJ’s wrist. He didn’t jump, didn’t startle. Even while deep in thought his body had recognized Brian. He recognized Brian’s touch.
Brian cupped a hand in the water, bringing it up and trickling it over AJ’s hands. He used his other hand to push AJ’s down towards the water. There, oh so gently, he rinsed the blood off of AJ.
Pulling his shirt and jacket off, AJ rinsed them both in the water. He let Brian take the shirt, let him rinse part of it and use that to wipe the blood off AJ’s face and hair. Finally all the blood and other things were gone from AJ’s skin.
When they stood, Marc was already waiting there with a fresh shirt and jacket from one of their bags that he’d put into his backpack. AJ quickly put those on. Then the three of them put AJ’s dirty stuff into a plastic bag and wedged it against the side of the pipe with a rock. It wouldn’t take long for it to be found, but AJ knew there wasn’t any forensic evidence there for them to use against him. His wound was sealed shut so it hadn’t broken open and bled as they’d crawled. None of the blood on there was his.
AJ linked hands with Brian again, letting his lips curve a little, putting on his game face. Together, the three men climbed the embankment, slipping through the trees to emerge on the street, slipping right into the crowd that was walking. It didn’t take much to lose themselves amongst all the bodies, which was exactly what they wanted.
Overhead, an FBI chopper flew by. The sight of it had AJ smiling. Let them look. They’d never find them.