The afternoon seemed to wear on. Nick stared out the window of his hospital room, watching as the snow clouds build in the distance. They’d be in for a good snow storm later. Somehow, the thought didn’t excite him as it usually did. He loved the snow. Not just the playing-in-it part, but the watching-it-fall part too. There was something so beautiful about watching the snow fall. Or the way the world looks with snow covering everything, before it was tore apart by people and cars.
Then there was always the fun of running out into it and having a good snowball fight. Or building snowmen. A small smile curved his lips as he remembered one time it had been snowing while they’d been on tour. Nick had been a bit depressed because they weren’t going to be home for the Christmas holiday and he wanted to see his family.
Realizing that his best friend was depressed, Brian had set himself on a mission. In no time at all he’d managed to trick Nick into coming outside for some reason or another, what it was Nick couldn’t remember. But only five seconds after he’d stepped into the back garden of that fancy hotel, a snowball had hit him square in the face.
He’d been furious at first. Anger had caused him to swear at Brian, threatening him. But Brian had simply laughed like a loon and lobbed another snowball at Nick, telling him he’d have to catch him if he wanted to kill him.
It had started out as Nick’s temper carrying him after Brian. But soon enough his temper had faded and the two had had a blast.
AJ had been the first one to join them. They hadn’t realized their friends were watching them until two snowballs flew, one hitting the back of Nick’s head and one hitting the side of Brian’s head. Together, the two had turned and looked over to find AJ grinning at them. After a moment of silence, the best friends had moved like a unit, grabbing snowballs and chucking them right for AJ’s head. But that little shit was fast.
Unfortunately, when AJ darted out of the way, that left two people in the path. Both Kevin and Howie had been hit by the packed snow. From there, things had progressed into an all-out snow war.
Nick’s smile grew bigger. He no longer saw the snowstorm building outside. His mind was traveling along the roads of his memories. That day, though he hadn’t realized it at the time, his four friends had banded together in a mission to lift his spirits. It had worked, too.
“What’s got you grinning?” A warm voice broke through Nick’s thoughts. Without looking, he knew who it was. He would recognize that voice anywhere.
His smile stayed in place, his eyes still gazing out the window as he answered. “I was remembering that massive snowball fight we had at the hotel that one year.”
Laughter filled the hospital room. Footsteps sounded, closer and closer, and then Howie was sitting on the chair near Nick, looking out the window as well. “God, now that was a blast. Remember Kev’s face when Brian dumped that huge pile of snow down his shirt?”
Nick laughed out loud. “That was awesome. I thought Kev was gonna kill him!”
“He got him back when he dumped him head first in the snow pile, though.”
“What about you? Your face was awesome when AJ and I knocked you into that snow pile and you got stuck.” Nick teased him. He was rewarded with Howie’s quick, sharp grin. He slanted Nick a fake evil look. “I will still get you back for that one day, kid.”
Ugh. What a way to sour the mood! Nick absolutely hated it when Howie called him ‘kid’. It was one thing for Kevin to do it, he called both Nick and AJ ‘kid’ because of their age, but the last person in the world he wanted to call him ‘kid’ was Howie!
But Nick had grown adept at keeping those kinds of feelings on the inside. His smile didn’t falter in the least bit, even though he lost some of its sincerity on the inside. “That’s still one of my favorite holiday memories.” He admitted. It was easy to say those kinds of things to Howie. Just like with Brian, he knew that Howie would never mock him for what he felt. “The snowball fight, building the snowmen, and the meal afterwards. You guys really helped me out that year.”
“You were so lost looking.” There was something in Howie’s voice that Nick couldn’t quite place. “So sad to be there without your family. It hurt all of us, but it got to you and Age the most, you two being the youngest.”
How on earth did things always seem to come back to AJ? Maybe no one thought he noticed, but he did. He saw the looks that Howie gave AJ sometimes. They broke his heart. Why couldn’t Howie look at him that way? Just once. He would kill to have Howie get that tender look in his eyes for him. But Howie was stuck on AJ in some part of his mind and he didn’t seem to ever want to let it go, despite the fact that Brian and AJ were getting more and more serious. Nick had a feeling that this crash would just make the two that much closer.
Oh, everyone knew the two said they were still ‘dating’, but Nick knew more of the details than most because of how close he and Brian were. They may have called it ‘dating’, but those two were definitely in it for the long haul. Just recently they’d said their “I-love-you’s” to one another. They’d also, as Nick knew, slept together. That had been the easy part for them, actually, and had happened early on. It had been saying I love you that had been the big step on both their parts.
Those two were perfect for one another. The love was obviously there. So why did Howie pine after AJ like this? Why couldn’t he see what was right here in front of him if only he’d give any sign he was interested?
“You ok, Nick?”
The genuine concern in Howie’s voice drew Nick back from his thoughts again. He looked over this time, seeing the worry in Howie’s eyes, the way he was staring at Nick as if trying to figure out what was going on. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He managed to get out.
“You’re not hurting, are you? If you are, you need to take something. I know you tend to forget your pain pills.”
Wasn’t that the truth? Little things like that, Nick forgot all the time. It was one thing he enjoyed about Howie so much; that Howie remembered the little things and helped Nick remember them without making him feel stupid.
He gave his friend a half smile. “It hurts a bit. Not too bad, you know? I don’t know when my last pill was. I think the nurse gave it to me.”
The look Howie gave him was so sweet and indulgent it almost stopped Nick’s heart. He couldn’t move underneath that warm gaze. In that instant, when Howie rose to stand beside him, Nick wanted more than anything to lean in a little and rest his head against Howie’s hip. To just rest there and know that he’d be welcome, that he’d be sheltered.
Howie reached a hand out, brushing back locks of Nick’s hair just as he’d always done, ever since they first got to know one another. “I’ll be right back, hon. Let me go get you something for the pain.” The hand on Nick’s hair paused, resting on top of Nick’s head as they looked at one another. “You always did try to be tougher than you should be when it comes to pain.” Howie said it fondly, his eyes warm and twinkling. Then he was gone, moving out of the room.
Air whooshed out of Nick’s lungs. Those random moments of kindness that Howie showed always left Nick feeling a little breathless. Why can’t you see how much I care about you, Howie? He thought to himself. Can’t you see how right we’d be together? But all you think about is AJ. Sometimes, it was almost enough to make Nick want to hate AJ. What made it even worse was that AJ didn’t seem to even realize it.
What made it all worse was that Nick couldn’t even talk to his best friend about this part of the problem. If he told Brian that Howie liked AJ, well, that would create more drama.
God, they sounded like a soap opera! Laying his head back against the cushion on his wheelchair, Nick let his eyes slide closed. They were one giant soap opera. I’m in love with Howie, who’s in love with AJ, who’s in love with Brian. If Brian knew that Howie loved AJ, then Brian would hate Howie. At the same time, Howie is a little jealous of Brian for being with AJ, while I’m jealous of AJ for having the affection of Howie. Even inside his own head it sounded insane.
With a soft little sigh, Nick drifted toward sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes it seemed like Nick would forget his own head if it wasn’t attached to his shoulders. The thought of that made Howie chuckle as he headed back to Nick’s room. The nurse at the desk had given Howie the pain pill that Nick needed, seeing as how he was technically ‘discharged’. All of them but Brian and AJ were, really, but this hospital was thankfully out of the way a little and therefore almost empty in the wing they were in. It made it easier for them all to stay together.
It was a good thing, because they had to keep an eye on each other. Howie shook his head and admitted to himself that he had to keep an eye on Nick. Barely any time had gone by since he’d had his leg casted and yet the fool would be getting up out of that wheelchair and running all over the place if they let him. Someone had to keep their eye on him. Little fool.
He opened the door to Nick’s hospital room, intent on teasing the young man a little. But one look had Howie’s entire demeanor softening. Nick was sleeping.
How on earth he could be comfortable sleeping in a wheelchair was beyond Howie’s comprehension. But then again, Nick had always been able to fall asleep anywhere, at the drop of a hat. That was something they had in common. Howie could sleep anywhere, any time. He usually found somewhere comfortable, though, or used a coat or something to make a place comfortable. Nick would just drop off no matter how he was sitting or what he was sitting on.
Moving over toward his friend, Howie snagged a blanket off the bed and gently tucked it around Nick. Then he settled back in the chair he’d been sitting in before. Maybe he’d just sit here for a while, wait for Nick to wake up so he could give him his pill. If he didn’t, the kid would never remember to take one until the pain was excruciating. Someone had to look out for him. Brian was good at that, but Brian had his own problems and he was a bit preoccupied with AJ at the moment.
That turned Howie’s thoughts in a sour direction. There was nothing he wanted more than to spend all his time in by AJ’s bedside, trying to take care of him and help him through this. But that wasn’t his place. That was Brian’s job. As much as it grated for Howie to do so, he stayed back and allowed the couple to have their time together.
It had been a surprise to learn from Brian how badly AJ hated hospitals. Hell, he was supposed to be AJ’s best friend and he’d never known how big AJ’s fear was! It made him wonder how many other things he didn’t know about AJ. That man was so complex and deep sometimes that he made the ocean seem shallow.
Not like Nick. Drifting in his thoughts, Howie looked back over at Nick, watching him as he slept. Nick was so refreshingly straightforward about things. His emotions ran deep, yes, but he put them out there for everyone to see. There was a joy for life in him that just being around him was generally enough to perk up anyone’s mood.
It was one of the things Howie enjoyed about him so much. Honestly, there was quite a bit about Nick’s company that he enjoyed. Nick was one of those people that always managed to make you feel good about yourself. He was never stingy with compliments, yet he didn’t overdo them either. When you were upset, he was one of the first there to make you smile or laugh. When you were hurting, he’d be there to help you hold your head up.
When he stopped to think about it, Howie found it ironic that the youngest of the group had become such a support system for them all. He was such an intricate part of all their lives. The thought of losing him, of how close they’d come to potentially losing him, had Howie’s stomach knotting up. What would he have done if Nick was no longer in his life?
That was a chilling thought. He pushed it aside, pushing back the horror at the idea of it. Nick was alive. He was injured, but he was alive. No need to dwell on what could have been.
Still, Howie couldn’t resist reaching out to brush back a lock of Nick’s hair that had fallen forward. For being so young, the kid sure had grown into a handsome man. Gone was the young, little boy look that had stayed in his face for so long. There was a maturity in his features that had gradually been building.
As he always did, Howie pushed that thought back, telling himself the same thing he told himself every time he fell into thinking about Nick’s look. He was a kid. He was too young. He’s not so young anymore his mind whispered. He’s grown up, just like the rest of you. He’s not just a kid anymore.
No, no matter how old he got, Nick was still the kid of the group. But, Howie had to admit, their ‘kid’ was growing into one good looking man.
As he watched Nick sleep, he smiled without realizing it, not noticing that his mind was off of AJ for the first time in hours and that his thoughts were solely on the blond haired beauty sleeping before him.
~~~~~~~~~~~
While those two napped down in their hospital room, Kevin was making his way toward Brian and AJ’s room. He hadn’t checked on either one of them yet that day and he needed to see how they were doing. He wanted to see if AJ was awake. He also wanted to check on Brian and make sure that he was taking care of himself. The nurses would be doing that, but people had a tendency to underestimate Brian. He would quietly smile, nod, and agree with what they said. Then he’d turn around and do what he wanted in that quiet, implacable way of his.
When he stepped into the room, the first thing Kevin saw was that Brian wasn’t in his bed. No, he was sitting in a rocking chair, which hadn’t been there before, beside AJ’s bed. The next thing he noticed was that AJ was awake, gripping tightly to Brian’s hand, eyes shut tightly as Dr. Brand inspected the surgical sight on AJ’s side.
It was the first real glimpse that Kevin had had of AJ’s injury. He had to work to not wince when he saw it. Geeze, was it any wonder the man was in pain? Thank God they’d kept him under for a while! The rumor that he was awake was one of the reasons that Kevin had hurried to come down.
He looked over at Brian and saw his cousin shift the arm that was in the brace, wincing slightly as he did. Speaking of being in pain, Brian had to be hurting with that kind of an injury. Come to think of it, Kevin thought he looked a little pale. Not quite right. There was tightness evident around Brian’s eyes. The fool, always just living with his pain. He hated pain medication and how loopy it made him feel.
Kevin squared his shoulders, instinctively preparing for a battle of sorts. If Brian wasn’t taking pain meds, then Kevin was damn well going to make sure he did.
“Well, Mr. Mclean, things look pretty good.” Dr. Brand assured him. He adjusted AJ’s gown before pulling the blanket back over him. Everyone could see AJ’s body relax the instant Dr. Brand was no longer touching him. “You keep up this kind of recovery and you’ll be up and moving in no time at all. I must say, I wish all my patients healed this well.”
It broke Kevin’s heart to watch AJ open his mouth as if to respond, go hard as stone, then close his eyes and nod a little. Obviously the man was at a loss for words.
Dr. Brand didn’t even pause at AJ’s discomfort or make a big deal of it. He moved toward Brian. “Time to check you out, Brian.” he said, a smile curving his lips.
“I’m doing fine, Doc.”
Smirking, Kevin walked toward them. “You listen to the doctor, Brian Littrell.” He said in a teasingly stern voice. Brian’s eyes snapped up to him, lighting up with good humor. “Oh, shove it, Kev.” The retort came easily, full of humor. Those bright blue eyes slid back to Dr. Brand, who was grabbing a chair and his cart and settling in beside Brian. “I really am fine, Brand. Honest. The pains not that bad today.”
“Just hush, would you?” Dr. Brand turned to look at AJ, who had his eyes open again and was watching what Dr. Brand was doing. “I swear, Mr. Mclean, how on earth do you put up with him? He’s so demanding of attention at all times. He’s such a needy person.”
A corner of AJ’s mouth quirked. He made a gesture toward himself, then deliberately drew an A and a J in the air. The doctor easily understood. “Ok, I’ll call you AJ if you promise not to call me…” Dr. Brand quickly imitated a rude hand gesture in the air. “Deal?”
This time AJ’s smile grew fully over his face, accompanied by Brian’s laughter. Amused, Kevin moved to the end of AJ’s bed as he watched them. Dr. Brand was one hell of a doctor. He had quite a sense of humor and a wonderful bedside manner with is patients.
Something struck Kevin then, something he should have noticed almost right away. First, AJ not answering Dr. Brand before. Now, writing out his name in air. Oh sweet God. AJ couldn’t talk. That shock held him still as Dr. Brand pulled the brace off of Brian’s arm, inspected the surgical sites and finally pronounced them healing well. He wrapped Brian up in gauze, then an ace wrap, and left off the brace. Instead, he stuck him in a sling.
“Now, the IV’s gone, so I want you on the little pills for a while, which means you’re in charge of your pain levels.”
“God it, Brand.” Smiling, Brian sat back a little in the chair, shifting the pillow to rest under his sling. He looked infinitely more comfortable than he had before. “I gotta tell ya, this sling is more comfy than that stupid contraption.”
“Yeah, well, what can I say? Big hunk of crap, or sling? Logic says…sling.”
As Dr. Brand stood up and started gathering up all this things, Kevin moved forward and took the empty chair. “Hey.” It was all he could seem to say. His mind was still reeling with his realization. Something of it must have showed on his face. Brian gave him a long, searching look. Then he turned toward AJ, raising their joined hands to kiss at AJ’s fingers. “Honey?” He said softly. “Kev and I are going to go talk in the hall.”
Almost instant panic hit AJ’s eyes, but Brian was already soothing him. “I’ll stand right by the door so no one will come in while I’m there, ok? I promise, no one is going to get past me. It shouldn’t take too long.”
There was a look on AJ’s face that Kevin didn’t understand, but it was obvious that Brian did. He smiled and kissed AJ’s fingers again. “I’m going to talk to him out there so you’re not listening in on me, Alex. Most likely he’s going to lecture me and I’d rather not give you anything to use against me at a later date. Plus, then I’m free to gush about you without you there to hear me be like a teenybopper fan.”
No one noticed Dr. Brand slip silently from the room.
After smiling one more time at AJ, who looked a little more at ease, Brian rose from his chair and gestured for Kevin to follow him. Kevin moved carefully, one arm sheltering his ribs a little. They still ached.
When they were out in the hall and the door was shut, Brian wasted no time. “Look, he’s ok for now but he doesn’t do well if he’s left alone for too long. This place is freaking him out too much. Ask any questions you have and give any lectures so I can get back in there. I don’t want any of this heavy stuff around AJ. He’s barely been awake twelve hours and he’s still reeling with finding it all out for himself.”
“He really can’t talk?” Kevin blurted out. It was the first thing that came to his mind.
Pain flashed in Brian’s eyes. “He can’t. Sometimes, when he was panicking, he made some kind of rasp sound. Dr. Brand says that means that things aren’t too damaged. But we won’t know until it all has time to heal.”
“How’re you healing, cos? I heard Doc say your arm is better, but how bad is it hurting? That was some serious shit they did with you.”
True to form, Brian shrugged with his good shoulder. “It hurts, but not so bad I can’t move. I’ll live.”
“That’s what the meds are for, Bri.” Kevin reminded him sternly. “There’s a reason they give you those meds. You probably haven’t taken one all day long, have you?”
“I’ll take one when I hurt, Kev. But I think I know my own pain level better than you would.”
The smart ass reply stunned Kevin for a second. It wasn’t like Brian to get so snippy so quickly. Then common sense took over. Brian was probably hurting, for one. For two, he would be stressed about all of them, but AJ most especially. Those two combined were enough to have Brian a little more snippy than normal. It usually only happened when Brian was stressing.
Kevin gave up arguing with Brian and simply reached an arm out, taking hold of his cousin’s head and pulling Brian in close for a brief, gentle hug. “I just worry about you, Bri, that’s all.”
“I know.” Brian mumbled against him. “I’m sorry. I just…I’m so worried, Kev. About AJ, about all of us. What’s going to happen now? What’s going to happen with our group? AJ can’t talk, Nick probably won’t ever dance normally again. We lost our drivers. Life…life just sucks right now.”
There wasn’t anything that Kevin could say to that, so he kept silent. They stood by the door, leaning a little against the wall, as nurses silently went past, giving them their space. After a moment of ragged breathing, Brian spoke again.
“Mom and Dad never made it in and I worried about them. But they called his morning and said they’d been out of service and stranded at a terminal because of snow. They should be here in any time now. I…I have to call Denise and I don’t know what to tell her, Kev. What am I going to tell my own parents, let alone AJ’s mom? I don’t even know what he’s going to want. I don’t know what to do.”
“I called Nick’s family, and Howie called his. No one is coming out for either one of them.” He stopped, sighed. “I haven’t told Nick yet. But his family said that it was just too bad of weather to test it. They’re the closest and they’re not even coming to check on him.”
The tone to Brian’s voice suggested that this didn’t surprise him. “Nick probably won’t be surprised. It’ll hurt, but he won’t be surprised.” Soft, then, “The assholes.”
A sudden commotion at the end of the hall drew both their attention. Looking up, Kevin saw two people rushing down the hall toward them both, love bright on their faces with worry mixed in. This was what Nick should have, he thought to himself. It broke his heart that the kid didn’t.
As his Uncle Harold enfolded Kevin in a tight hug, and Jackie clung to Brian, Kevin thought to himself that, once again, he and the others would have to be Nick’s family for him.