Yet again, time went by, a few more months. I didn’t forget about what had happened or anything like that, but I pushed it back in my mind. AJ and I were so happy with one another that it was easy to ignore my worries or to put them off for another day. Why worry at the moment? Between touring and social functions and album recording, well, there was always something to keep us going.
Still, I’ll admit that it stayed in the back of my mind. I’d find myself watching AJ at random moments, wondering what had happened to him. Why he’d been shot. I didn’t dare bring it up anymore. AJ was at the point where he flat out refused to talk about it. I felt wrong in pushing it. Obviously it was something that pained him to think about.
But I did notice that AJ seemed to be disappearing for long periods of time. It had always been like that, but it was becoming frequent. We were getting close to starting another tour and it had been a whole month since I’d seen AJ; I had been able to talk to him the night before, though.
There had been some party we were supposed to go to, our entire group, right before our tour started and I was beginning to worry that AJ wouldn’t make it. But, at the last minute he’d showed up at my hotel room door, suitcase in hand, dressed so handsomely in a pair of designer dark jeans (that actually fit him for once), a button up white shirt and a black vest. All in all, I was too busy admiring him to curse at him for making me worry.
We went to the party together, but not too long after we were inside, someone flagged down AJ for something important. I remember kissing him and telling him I was heading upstairs for a drink at the bar while I waited…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian rolled his eyes in irritation as the man next to him at the bar kept talking. God, couldn’t people take a hint? But no, he knew the answer to that. The more alcohol you put in a person the more potential to be annoying they had.
When was AJ going to get back? Tapping his toe, Brian ignored the guy beside him and looked around, trying to find AJ. Probably in the downstairs part of the club still talking with the management guy who’d flagged him down.
The guy said something vulgar, close to Brian’s ear, and that was when enough became enough. Brian rolled his eyes again and got up from the barstool, drink in hand. He didn’t say a word, simply walked away. He didn’t have to sit and listen to that. Not to mention that if AJ came back and heard the guy hitting on him and saying such vulgar things, he’d flip.
Brian had barely made it a few steps into the hallway before a hand grabbed his arm. He stopped, looking down at the hand and then up into the face of the man holding him. Shit. It was the guy from the bar and boy, he didn’t look happy. His green eyes looked hazy from alcohol but they were hard. “I wasn’t done talking to you.” He slurred.
“I was done talking to you.” Brian told him calmly, much calmer than he felt. “Now let go of me.”
“Listen here, no reason to get so uppity. Let’s go back, have another drink. Or better yet, head to my place.”
Anger had Brian jerking his arm to try and break free. For being drunk, the guy sure had a strong grip. He was stuck. “Let go of me. Now.” Brian ordered. He tried to make his voice firm. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Oh, feisty.” The man said huskily. He pulled Brian closer, bringing his other hand up so that he was holding both of Brian’s arms, their bodies an inch apart. “I like em feisty.”
“Let me go now or I swear to God I’ll hurt you and scream bloody murder. Everyone will come running.”
“What’s a pretty thing like you come alone to a bar all dolled up for if it isn’t for someone to pick up on you? You want to play a game, that’s fine with me. We’ll play.”
Another voice cut through the hall, one that Brian recognized. “He’s not alone.” AJ said in a hard voice.
Brian and the man turned to look to where AJ was walking up the staircase. There was a hard look on AJ’s face and in his eyes that Brian hadn’t seen before. He found himself thankful that the look wasn’t directed at him.
“He’s with me.” AJ reached the top of the stairs and moved toward them at an easy pace. “Now I suggest you do as he asks and let him go.”
“Who’s going to stop me?” The man snarled. “You?”
“Let him go.”
Just as AJ got close, the man did let go of Brian. He flung him sideways and spun toward AJ, one fist already swinging. Brian started to jump forward, wanting to help, but AJ easily sidestepped the blow. The man swung again and AJ sidestepped again, seeming perfectly at ease. “We don’t have to do this.” He told the guy, putting his hands out to the sides in a non-threatening gesture.
Brian wanted to beg AJ to just walk away with him. This guy was big in comparison to Brian, let alone against AJ’s small frame. Add in alcohol and temper and he was a dangerous man. But AJ was standing calmly, hands out. He recognized, even if Brian didn’t, that walking away wasn’t an option. The man would just follow them and start his shit elsewhere.
The man growled and lunged forward.
Even though he was watching, Brian still wasn’t quite sure what had happened. One minute the man was practically on top of AJ. The next minute, the man was on the ground, one arm held up behind him by AJ’s hand and AJ was standing with one foot on the man’s neck. “I told you.” AJ said, dropping the man’s hand. “We don’t have to do this.”
He moved his foot, stepping around the man to head toward Brian. When he was halfway there, Brian saw the man rise, saw him grab a knife from his pocket and flick it open. Horror filled Brian. He tried to scream out a warning as the man dove forward, but AJ was already moving. He twisted to the side, the knife passing through where he had just been.
Lightning fast, AJ grabbed the man’s knife hand at the wrist and pulled, bringing his other hand up to push the man’s head down until he had to drop his good hand down to brace on the ground. Then AJ let go of his head and bent his arm, dropping his elbow into the knife arm, right by the elbow. The knife clattered to the ground. AJ let go of the man’s wrist and shoved him away.
AJ looked totally unconcerned as he picked the knife up off the ground, spun it in his hand till the point was down. Then he stabbed the point into the wall. His eyes were gentle as he looked over at Brian and held a hand out. “You ready to leave, mi vida?”
Silent, he stepped out and took AJ’s hand. Together they went down the staircase. AJ led them toward the front door and Brian didn’t bother protesting. They didn’t need to be there anymore. He had much more important things on his mind than some stupid party. But he kept quiet as AJ got them a cab and even as they rode back to the hotel. That wasn’t hard. The driver chatted away the entire time. Brian didn’t mind waiting. What he wanted to ask, he didn’t feel comfortable saying in public.
It was when they were back in their room again that he managed to find his voice. “What on earth was that?” He demanded hoarsely.
AJ winced slightly. He shut the door, staying there for a moment with his hand on the wood before he turned around. There was a careful mask on his face, one that Brian had never seen there before. “I thought you’d want to head home.” AJ answered, deliberately misunderstanding him.
That wasn’t going to fly with Brian, though. “You know exactly what I meant, Alexander James, so don’t you hedge with me. You just took down and disarmed a man who was at least twice your size. Why on earth were you foolish enough to try and how on earth did you manage it so easily?”
“It’s just…it’s a skill I learned a long time ago. Things like that, you don’t ever forget them.”
“He could have hurt you!”
At that, AJ scoffed. He actually looked a little affronted. That surprised Brian. “Hurt me?” AJ said scathingly. “No way. That man was in his cups and he was slow to boot. If he’d hurt me I would’ve deserved it.” The expression on his face was on of disgust. “Him, hurt me? Shit, Bri.”
“Well pardon me for worrying about you!” Brian exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “Next time I’ll just sit by and not give a damn if someone stabs you or not!”
“I wasn’t in any danger, Brian!”
“How was I supposed to know that?” Brian demanded. He felt his temper rising, something that very rarely happened to him. He had a pretty iron control when it came to temper. But this evening had pushed him towards his breaking point. “Seeing as how I never even knew you had those kinds of skills, how on earth was I supposed to know you weren’t in any danger?”
The logic of that set AJ back for a minute. Brian watched as his lover closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Suddenly silent, AJ turned and moved toward the patio door. He stood there for a moment, staring out at the night sky, Brian watching him. There was something so sad about AJ’s posture in that moment that Brian found his temper waning.
Just when Brian would have said something, would have gone to him and tried to soothe things over, AJ spoke. “There’s a part of my life I’m not too proud of, Brian.” He said softly. The quietness of his voice was almost tragic. “There are things I’ve done, things I can do, that I’d never tell you if I could get away with it. I’m not proud a lot of things in my past. I don’t keep it from you out of distrust or maliciousness.”
“Then why?” Brian asked, his voice just as soft as AJ’s. “I feel like there’s so much here I don’t know. Like there’s this whole other part of you I don’t even know. What keeps you from telling me if the issue isn’t trust?”
AJ’s answer was so soft that Brian almost didn’t hear it. “Fear.”
“What?”
“I’m afraid, Brian.” Never before had Brian heard AJ say those words. Not one single time in the entire time they’d know one another. It staggered him. He couldn’t speak, could only stare as AJ raised a hand and placed it on the glass, as he rested his forehead by his hand. “I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my entire life. I’m afraid you’ll hate me. I’m afraid that what I could say would make you turn around and walk out that door and never come back in my life.”
“Alex, no.” He couldn’t resist going to him now. Walking over, he wrapped his arms around AJ’s waist and rested his chin on AJ’s shoulder. “I love you. Nothing, nothing, is going to change that. No matter what it is, I will always love you. It can’t be that bad. I know who you are, Alex, in your heart. You’re a wonderful person.”
“I’m a selfish person.”
Making a small sound of distress, Brian turned AJ around so he could look into his face. “Why would you say that? You’re one of the least selfish people I know.” He whispered to his love. But AJ was shaking his head. “I am, Bri. If I was a good person, if I was unselfish, I never would have let myself get into a relationship with you. I would have kept a safe distance and left you alone.” One of AJ’s hands came up, the tips of his fingers stroking down Brian’s cheek, his eyes so sad and lost in that moment. “But you make me feel things I didn’t think were possible. Things that no one has ever made me feel. You bring to life the part of me I thought was dead. Amazingly, you love me. No one has ever loved me.”
Brian wanted to protest those words, to say that the others in the group loved him like a brother, that his mother loved him. But the way that AJ said them made them impossible to argue with.
“I’m selfish because I wanted, even for a little while, to feel like a normal person. To love someone and have someone love me in return. I wanted to feel alive. With you, I’m so much more than I am on my own. With you, I’m alive. I’m human. I wanted that, so much, no matter the risks involved. If I was a good person, I never would have let it get to this point. If I truly loved you like I say I do, I should have let you go. Let you be free and safe.”
“I don’t want to be anywhere that you aren’t.” Brian told him honestly. No words he’d ever spoken were more true. “You’re everything to me, Alex. No matter what’s in your past or in your future. We’ll face it together, do you hear me?”
A sad smile curved AJ’s lips. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” His words were said gently, taking the sting from them. “But, God damn me for it, I can’t walk away. Not now. Not after knowing what it’s like to be with you. I can’t let you go. Even if my soul burns in hell for the rest of eternity, I can’t make myself give up one moment with you.”
No words came to Brian’s lips. The emotion squeezing his heart was too strong. So he pulled AJ to him, pressing their cheeks together. The two men stood locked in their embrace, neither speaking, both their thoughts jumbled. When they pulled back, Brian took AJ’s hand in his and led him toward the bedroom. No more words were spoken on the topic, or at all, even. They simply climbed into bed, not for passion, but for comfort. Wrapped in one another’s arms they lay there, each wondering what they were going to do.