It took quite a bit of persuading, but AJ and Nick combined finally managed to get Brian back into the hospital. AJ had hold of Brian, a protective measure to keep him from bolting again. Brian could have told him that it wasn’t necessary. He wasn’t stupid enough to try running with the both of them there watching him. They’d just follow him. Hell, if AJ had to he’d probably tackle him to the ground!
Surprisingly, that image made Brian want to smile a little. He was smart enough not to, though. That would just get him in more trouble. And boy, was he in trouble! That was obvious. While they walked Brian watched his friends from the corner of his eyes.
Nick looked mad but not furious. He wouldn’t take too much to fix things with. It never did with Nick. Their friendship was strong and deep; not much could damage it. Add on that Nick sucked at holding a grudge and, well, that made things even easier to fix with him. Mostly he could see that his best friend was terrified more than mad. That made Brian feel guilty. He hadn’t wanted to scare anyone, just do what he needed to save them all.
The three of them stepped into an elevator. Brian watched the doors close. He couldn’t help the little hitch to his breath or the tightening to his muscles at finding himself in a small, confined space with two other men.
Even with as angry as he was, AJ still managed to sense this and try to reassure Brian by running his hand reassuringly up and down the small of Brian’s back. It was a gesture that was meant to be soothing and did wonders for Brian’s nerves.
Once they exited the elevator, though, that rubbing stopped and Brian was again being propelled back toward his room. He risked a moment to look over at AJ. This was the person he’d known was going to be the most pissed. The one that was also going to be the most hurt.
The muscles in AJ’s shoulders and arms looked tight. His face was set in hard lines. Shit, AJ was pissed. His eyes were hard, staring down the hall as they walked, and his mouth was set in a grim line.
When they’d caught up with Brian outside, Nick and AJ hadn’t looked angry. They’d pleaded with him to come back in. Begged him to think things through. It was obvious that they’d guessed what his plan had been. Without shame the two of them had begged until Brian had agreed to stop. He couldn’t withstand that much pleading.
But once they’d got back inside, this was how it had been. The silent treatment. By the time they reached his room, Brian had had enough of it. He took a seat on the edge of his bed and looked at the two men he was the closest with. “Look, guys, I’m sorry, ok? I am. I know it was stupid.”
AJ totally ignored him. He turned toward Nick and said “I’m going to go speak to the doctor. Can you stay here until I get back or do I need to send someone else down here to babysit him?”
The word ‘babysit’ put Brian’s back up. He didn’t need a babysitter! He opened his mouth to protest it and was cut off by a sharp look from AJ. That look dared him to contest his choice of words. Silent, Brian shut his mouth. Shit. AJ was a hell of a lot more pissed than he’d thought. That wasn’t good.
Nick looked from one to the other, unsure how to act. “Uh, I can stay.” He answered finally.
“Good.” AJ replied. “Make sure he stays here. If he tries to leave, sit on him.” That said, AJ was out the door.
For a moment the hospital room was silent. Brian finally broke it by saying “Well, babysitter, what’re we going to do? You going to make me a snack and such?”
A surprised laugh burst past Nick’s lips. “Sure. I’ll just get right on that one.”
“I want a sandwich, no crust, just peanut butter.”
The light teasing eased some of Brian’s tension. He scooted back on the bed, making room for Nick, who then sat on the foot of the bed. The laughter faded from Nick’s eyes. “What were you thinking, Brian?” He asked softly.
Brian sighed. “It was the only thing I could think of to protect everyone.”
“By sacrificing yourself?”
“If I have to.” Looking up, Brian pleaded with his friend to understand. “I can’t have that on my conscience, Nick. I can’t knowingly let him hurt people I care about. I can’t let him do this to AJ. What if he does it again and he makes AJ relapse? It’d be my fault.”
“No it wouldn’t! It’d be his, Bri. All his. You didn’t force him to do this. Whoever this asshole is, he’s insane.”
“He’s attacking people close to me. What do I do if he comes for you, or Kevin, or Howie? What if he tries to kill one of you guys? I can’t…I just can’t let that happen.”
Nick reached out like he was going to take Brian’s hand before thinking better of it. He let his hand drop to the bed where it curled around the sheets. “I wish I knew something to help, Bri. I wish I could say he won’t hurt us. But I can’t. I don’t know what’ll happen. But I do know that we’re all going to be cautious until this guy is caught. And he will be caught. We have to hold out our hope on that.”
There was so much pleading in Nick’s voice that Brian couldn’t find it in himself to argue with him. How could he shatter his young friend’s delusions? So Brian did the same thing he had always done with Nick. He protected him. “You’re probably right, Nick.” He lied. But inside, he knew better. He knew the truth and it terrified him.
Before either of them could say anything else, AJ walked back into the room. One look at his face had Brian snapping his mouth shut. Inside, his heart gave a hard thump. Man oh man AJ was mad. Was he…would he leave him alone now? Or, worse, would he stick to him like glue but never be happy with him again?
No, AJ wouldn’t do that to him. Would he? No. Brian couldn’t let himself think like that or the earlier panic was going to come back and choke him. He concentrated on breathing, keeping calm. You idiot he told himself. You were willing to sacrifice yourself to this monster to keep AJ and the others safe but now that you’re stuck here you panic at the idea of AJ not wanting to you! If he didn’t talk to you then he’d be safe! But even thinking about how dumb that sounded didn’t change his feelings. If he’d succeeded in letting his stalker find him, that would have been different. He could have been strong, knowing he could keep others safe. But here, trapped, he couldn’t survive without someone to help him. That someone was AJ.
“I cleared it with the doctor. We’re free to take you home now.” AJ said in a flat voice.
Brian nodded, not trusting his voice. Without realizing it he wrapped his arms around his waist, holding tight. He stayed silent as AJ and Nick led him from the hospital room. AJ was holding so tightly to his temper. A small part of Brian wondered how long that control would last and what would happen when it broke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every ounce of self-control AJ possessed went in to keeping himself as calm as possible on their ride back to the hotel. So many emotions were boiling inside of him that it was difficult to even think straight. The only way he managed to arrange things with the doctor and get them home. It had taken some persuasion to get the doctor to agree to release Brian; he’d wanted to keep him for observation overnight. But AJ had been adamant that Brian come back to the hotel. There was nothing that the nurse would do that he couldn’t do for Brian.
Plus, it would be easier to keep an eye on Brian and keep him safe in the hotel, with security all around. But AJ didn’t tell the doctor that part.
The medication the doctor had given him was in AJ’s pocket. That was where he planned on keeping them for the moment. When they got to the hotel, security rushed them inside, past the fans, and up to their floor. AJ stopped Brian in the hall, holding up one finger to signal to him to wait. Then he ran into his own room and grabbed the little travel lock box that he carried everywhere with him. A few valuables were kept inside of there when he traveled; no one but him could get in. It required a code to open the door. This he brought back out with him.
When he was back by Brian’s side, Brian pulled out his key and opened his hotel room door. AJ noticed that Brian’s hands were shaking and cursed himself for not containing his temper better. Obviously some of it was slipping through if Brian was getting scared by it. Get yourself under control, AJ! He scolded himself.
Inside Brian’s room, AJ set the lock box down on the table, turning so that Brian couldn’t see him enter the code. Once it was open he put the medication inside and shut it again. There. Now Brian wouldn’t be able to be tempted by it.
Dimly he heard Brian shuffling around in the room. What he was doing, AJ didn’t know. The enormity of what had happened slammed over AJ like a tidal wave. The entire day, starting with Brian’s collapse at the concert straight up to the moment that AJ had looked outside and seen Brian walking, alone.
He had thought he’d known what fear was before. Sweet Jesus, nothing compared to the fear he’d felt today. The sheer panic that had coursed in his veins. He was still vibrating with it. Air pulled roughly in and out of his lungs as he pressed his palms onto the table and bent his head. Fuck. He needed to get it under control before he scared Brian any more than he already had!
To his surprise, Brian spoke suddenly, the noise seeming loud in the quiet room. “I…I know you won’t leave me alone. You don’t trust me now. If we’re going to be in here together, could you, well, could you just get it off your chest? Yell at me, something. But not this silence. Please.”
There was a false bravado in Brian’s voice that tore at AJ. He was scaring Brian. Great, that was just great! The man had just checked out of the hospital after having a serious panic attack and here AJ was, scaring him! Mentally he cursed himself. “It’s fine, Bri. I’m fine. I just needed a minute, that’s all.”
“I know you’re mad at me.” Brian said softly.
AJ bit his lip, staring at the table top, afraid to turn and look at Brian for fear of what he might end up saying. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, ok?”
Again Brian surprised him. He gave a wry sounding chuckle. “I know you too well, Alex. Say whatever it is that’s on your mind. It can’t be any worse than this infernal silence. I’d rather you yell than not talk to me or look at me.” His voice firmed slightly. “Go ahead, say it. Say what you want. Tell me I’m an idiot. Tell me how dumb I was to go out there. How tough you are and how you don’t need protecting.”
That was almost too much for AJ. He squeezed his eyes shut tight. “You think I’m mad because you were trying to protect me? That I think I’m too manly for protection?” He rasped. “That I’m mad because I don’t approve of what you did?”
“If I’m wrong, tell me. Please, Alex. I can’t stand you being furious with me.”
That please was too much. AJ couldn’t keep himself under control anymore. He spun around, his control snapping. “You think I’m furious with you? I’m not furious, Brian! Hell, I probably would have done the same fucking thing in your shoes!”
Brian’s eyes grew wide. “You’re not mad at me?” All the strength his voice had started to show seemed to waver slightly. “Then, then what is it?”
“I’m terrified!” AJ shrieked. His hands, his traitorous, shaking hands, curled into fists on either side of him. Everything that he’d worked so hard to keep from letting out was now flowing out of him like a raging river. “I have never been so fucking scared in my entire life as I have been today! You thought I was mad? I’ve been trying to fight off panic all fucking evening long!”
“Alex…” At a loss for words, Brian’s voice trailed off. It was easy to see that this was the last thing he’d expected to hear. Oddly enough, AJ could see that his shouting wasn’t scaring Brian. That was something new.
Right at the moment he couldn’t bring himself to think about it, though. He started to pace, trying to burn out the anxiety, the heartache he’d felt today. The words that he’d kept locked up were now free. There was no stopping them.
“I’ve been by your side since this shit happened to you. I’ve watched you shrink in on yourself because you’re not eating, not sleeping. You’re not talking. I’ve had to watch you waste away and do my best to fight you each step of the way, praying the whole fucking time that I won’t lose you. Every time I have to leave you it makes my chest hurt, wondering if you’ll be ok until I get back.”
Raw emotion was in Brian’s eyes. Not fear, but something else that AJ couldn’t analyze. His own emotions were too strong to focus on anything else right then.
“Today I had to look over and see you in a full blown panic attack, with Nick screaming beside of you. I had to fight to get you to breathe for me so you wouldn’t fucking die. Do you get that, Brian? You almost died today! Then, oh then, we get you in the damn hospital, get everything squared away to get you better, and while I’m gone you wake up and disappear so that when I go back to your room I found an empty bed.”
The fear of that moment came back to AJ like a tidal wave. He brought his hands up to cover his face for a moment. “I thought I’d been scared before, but it didn’t compare to that. I knew what you’d done. In my heart, I knew, and I was so scared. I ran out of that hospital, thinking the whole time that I’d find you somewhere, beat and hurt like that man had been. I thought I was going to lose you. The whole time I ran, I prayed and prayed that I’d find you alive.”
It was too much. He couldn’t continue. The fear rose up, stealing his voice. All he could do was stand there with his hands over his face and try to keep it under control.
A gentle hand touched his shoulder, startling him. He knew who it was. Recognized the feel of Brian. But he couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. If he did, he was afraid he’d shame himself by crying.
“I’m sorry, Alex.” Brian’s voice was low and sweet. “I’m so sorry I scared you like that.” With that soft whisper, Brian did something that AJ knew was extremely difficult for him. He pulled AJ in for a tight hug, pillowing AJ’s head on his shoulder. The hands on AJ’s back rubbed soothingly.
It was amazing. Here they were, after a day of hell for Brian, and Brian was taking care of him! This was so like the old Brian that it almost brought tears to AJ’s eyes. He took a few deep breaths, trying to control his emotions and bring himself back under control.
After a minute, Brian let him go. Under the guise of turning to the lock box, AJ wiped at his eyes, wiping away the faint sheen of tears. He knew Brian had probably seen it but neither of them said anything about it.
“We should, uh, probably get you into bed.” AJ said softly. He opened the lock box and got out a sleeping pill for Brian. Once he had it, he shut the box up again. “You need sleep, Bri, more than anything else. In the morning I’ll get some breakfast ready for you.”
Brian looked at the pill in AJ’s hand, then up to AJ’s face. That vulnerability was back. It grabbed AJ’s heart as it always did. “You’ll stay, while I sleep?” Brian whispered.
“Every minute.”
That seemed to be enough for Brian. He took the pill and popped it in his mouth, swallowing convulsively. Then he allowed AJ to lead him to the bed. Once his shoes were off, Brian climbed in underneath the sheets. AJ tucked the blankets around him, pausing to brush back hair from Brian’s forehead. “Rest, honey. I’ll be here.”
“I am sorry I scared you, Alex.” Brian’s voice was a mumble. The day’s exhaustion was catching up with him.
AJ sat on the bed, lacing his fingers with Brian’s. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. Get some sleep, honey. It’ll be ok. Just sleep.”
Even after Brian had drifted off to sleep, AJ sat there, watching him. Please, God, let this man find some healing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day was quite a bit easier than AJ had thought it would be. When he’d woken in the morning he’d ordered a plain breakfast for him and Brian. A full night’s sleep seemed to have given Brian the urge for some food. He actually ate half of the food AJ had ordered for him. By tact agreement, the two didn’t mention anything serious. They spoke only of normal things, easy things.
It was the perfect day. Since Brian was on orders to rest, AJ kept him to the bed. They ordered pay-per-view movies and lounged around, laughing at the comedies they watched and chatting about normal, everyday things. For the first time in days, Brian was relaxing, which was exactly what AJ wanted. He even managed to get Brian to eat a sandwich for lunch!
But their perfect day wasn’t meant to last. It was almost six o’clock when someone knocked on the door to the hotel room. AJ would have been content to stay lying on the foot of the bed, watching the movie on the TV. But Brian had more manners than that. He rose from the head of the bed and headed out to the main room. A moment later AJ heard Kevin’s deep rumble.
There was silence for a moment. Then Brian was poking his head in the bedroom door. “AJ? Kev needs to talk to you.”
Him? Why did Kevin need to talk to him? AJ pretended to grumble at Brian, making his friend smile at him before he disappeared. AJ smile softly to himself. That had been his whole goal today. See how many times he could get Brian to smile. So far, he’d done a damn good job. This had been exactly what Brian needed. Exactly what the both of them needed. Just a day being Brian and AJ, no worries on their plates, no stress.
At some point AJ had grabbed some clothes from his room, so now he was dressed in sweats, a tank, and his blue flannel robe. He shuffled out of the bedroom, pausing the movie on his way. “What’s up, Kev?” he called out.
Kevin was waiting for him, sitting on a chair in the main room. “Hey, Age.” He answered. “Sit and talk with me a minute.”
Well, hell, that didn’t sound good, now did it? AJ glanced at Brian. He looked ok, so it couldn’t be too bad. Unless Kevin hadn’t told him yet. “I’d rather stand. What’s up?”
“There’s an after party tonight.” Kevin explained with a sigh. He held up a hand to stave off AJ’s automatic objections. “I know you don’t go to these things, I know that. But managements rule for these things is that a minimum of three of us go. Brian isn’t going since the doctor ordered him on rest for three days and now Nick’s sick. That leaves you. You have to go.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then they can sue us for breach of contract if they wish.”
Fuck! Going to one of these stupid things was the last thing that AJ wanted to do. First and foremost, he didn’t want to leave Brian. Not after having such a great day with him! Second, there was a reason he never went to these things anymore. The temptation there was enormous. With all the stress he’d been under lately, and this stalker guy forcing him to get high on coke, AJ was terrified that if he went he’d end up doing something stupid. “Kev, I can’t.” He looked at his older friend, letting down his internal guard for a moment. “Please, don’t make me do this.”
Sympathy darkened Kevin’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Age. I wish there was a way around this.”
It was Brian who stepped up, looking over to AJ. “Go, Alex.” He said softly. It was obvious he was trying to hide his own fear in those eyes. “I’ll take care of Nick for a while. I won’t be alone.”
“Bri..”
“No, you’ve got to go. We don’t need the trouble. You don’t need the trouble. Just go for a while, make them happy, an come back. I’ll be fine with Nick.”
AJ looked into his eyes for a long moment. “You sure?”
When Brian nodded, AJ sighed. He looked back over at Kevin. “Fine. I’ll go. But I want it noted that it’s under protest.” He said in annoyance. This night was going to suck, and suck hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was the stupidest thing ever. He didn’t want to be here. But because of some stupid contract he had to sit at a stupid table, drinking a stupid coke, watching stupid people dance. Fuck them. AJ glared down at his drink, his mood sour.
“You know, you used to enjoy these things.” A voice teased him. AJ looked up just as Howie slid into the booth with him.
AJ shrugged at him. “Yeah, well, different lifestyle.”
“Thank God for that. How you holding up here?”
Only Howie would have asked him that question right there at the party and known that he’d be able to get away with it. That drew a small smile from AJ. God bless best friends. “Holding up. It’s not as difficult as I thought. Then again, I’ve mostly been sitting here and sulking.” He teased himself easily.
Howie tipped his head back and laughed. “You’ve always been good at that when you want.”
“Shove it, Howard.”
A waiter walked up, handing them each another drink. AJ picked up his fresh coke, taking a drink. He looked down into the liquid, swirling it around a little. Truth was, the urge to drink was there. It taunted him at the edge of his mind. Just one drink to make himself relax, that was all it would take. But he knew himself. He knew that one drink would lead to two, then five, then fifteen. Suddenly he tipped his glass of coke back, downing it all in one drink.
Howie’s hand covered his as he set his glass down. “You can do this, Age. Stick it out for another hour and then you can go back to Brian. I have faith you can do this.”
“Thanks, D. At least one of us does.” AJ smiled at him. Then, with a sigh, he waved Howie up. “Let’s at least dance a little. Got to be better than brooding, right?”
“Always.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting at his table on the far side of the room, Zach watched AJ head out to the dance floor with the long haired band member and smirked to himself. They’d see how things went before too long. The fool had downed his entire drink before going out on the floor. If only the idiot knew what was waiting for him.
It had been the simplest thing in the world to get into the party. After that, it had been even simpler to pay a waiter to turn around while he dropped something in that tattooed freak’s drink. Then all he’d had to do was go to his table and sit back and watch. The jackass didn’t even notice!
After talking around to some people, Zach had found someone on the streets who’d been able to give him what he wanted. What it was, he had no idea. A little power in a baggie. But the guy he’d bought it from swore that if Zach put it in someone’s drink, the person would get higher than a kite. There was no amnesia, like the ‘date rape’ drugs cause. Zach didn’t want this asshole forgetting what happened. No, he wanted him to remember it all.
This shit thought he could just love up on Brian and get away with it? Play on Brian’s trust, acting innocent and sweet the whole time. Well, Zach was going to show Brian the truth no matter what it took!
“You think he gives a damn about you? That if you get rid of this guy then Brian will fall right into your arms? You’re an idiot.”
Zach hummed with the music, ignoring the voice in his mind. They’d see. They would all see. He’d prove them all wrong.
Out on the dance floor, the freak started to sway a little as he danced, looking a little happier than normal. Zach could see the drugs taking effect. The dealer had sworn that the guy he gave this to would be euphoric; happy with the world and easily trusting. That was exactly what Zach needed.
He bided his time, waiting until the one known as AJ broke away from the others in the crowd. This was the moment he was waiting for! He rose, leaving his drink on the table, and made his way through the crowd. It wasn’t hard to reach AJ, who was fanning himself on the side of the room. Now it was time for the act.
“AJ?” He called out, forcing his voice to be polite. God, how he wanted to rip this punks head off! No, no, he had a plan. Stick to the plan! “Is that you, AJ?”
“Huh?” AJ looked a little confused as he turned his head as if trying to find the source of the voice.
Zach stepped right up next to him, adjusting his hat a little. “Hey! I thought that was you. Having fun over here?”
Looking up, AJ’s hazy eyes locked on to Zach’s face. For a moment Zach held his breath, wondering if the drug was going to be enough to keep AJ from recognizing him. What AJ did next surprised him. “Nick! Hey, man, I thought you were sick!” He slurred out. He pressed a hand to his mouth. “Damn, man, I feel crazy. I think someone did something to my drink. Fuck.” A small giggle slid out. “I feel high.”
“You’re missing half the party out here, you know that, right?” Zach didn’t bother correcting him on who he was. If this fool thought he was ‘Nick’ then so be it. It would make it easier.
“You’re a bastard. He’ll notice you’re not his friend. He’s not as stupid as you think he is!”
Zach tried to ignore that voice. Go away he thought Go away! I can do this! I will do this! GO AWAY!
“You ok, Nicky?” AJ asked him suddenly. “You look, I dunno, funny or something.”
Quickly Zach schooled his expression. He was here on a mission. He needed to get it going before someone saw him and saw what he was doing. “I’m ok. I was just hoping to get you to come back here with me. I really don’t want to go alone, you know? You looked like you were having fun so I thought I’d bring you with me.”
“Sure thing, Nicky boy.” AJ looped arms with Zach, giggling as he stumbled. Zach had to fight back nausea and rage. This jerk was touching him? Remember the plan. Remember. Don’t hurt him. That won’t help. You hurt him, Brian will just want to help him, that’s the nice guy he is. We’ve got to show Brian what a fucker this asshole is. Come on, stick to the plan.
Zach led AJ down a small hallway, back to the more secluded party that was in the back. He knew that AJ’s fame would get them in the door. Sure enough, it was easy as hell to get in one of those little rooms. Almost instantly a waiter offered them some drinks. Zach ordered two whiskey before getting AJ on a couch.
It was the easiest thing, getting AJ to drink. Whispering in his ear, lying to him, telling him it was soda. That it was something that would make him feel better. Then, after a couple drinks, it didn’t take anything at all. AJ was ordering more on his own. After that, he was joining the others at the table. Zach grinned gleefully as he watched AJ jump right into the party scene.
Seeing this just proved what he’d thought about this freak all along. With the right incentive he’d go right back to the drugs and alcohol. He was all wrong for someone as pure and beautiful as Brian! Brian deserved better. He deserved Zach!
“He’ll never want you.”
Shut up! He thought to the voice. Shut up! He does love me, he does! You don’t know what you’re talking about. Go away! I killed you already, why don’t you just go away!
“He’ll hate you and you’ll end up paying for what you did to all of us.”
“No!”
The word slipped out before Zach realized it. He saw AJ looked up at him from the line he just did, confusion marring his stoned expression. “What, Nick?”
Quick, think fast! “I uh, I was just saying I’ve got a surprise for you, AJ. Come on. Come with me, I want to show it to you.”
“A surprise?” A silly grin spread over AJ’s face. He rose quickly to his feet, almost falling back down again. “Let’s go!”
Zach led AJ out of this room and toward one of the private ones. Everything he’d set up earlier was ready and waiting for him. The guard outside of it, a thug that Zach had paid earlier in the day, nodded and opened the door, letting them inside. In there was a man that Zach had found, specifically for this purpose.
The man waiting there was a little taller than AJ, his skin a caramel color. He was dressed in simple, snug jeans and a form fitting tank. “This the guy?” The man asked, looking at AJ as he stumbled into the room.
Zach shut the door behind him, clicking the lock. “This is him.”
“Sugar, you sure? He looks like he won’t be up for much of nothing!”
“If you want the rest of your money you’ll do what I paid you to do.”
The man held his hands up in a peace gesture. Then he walked over to AJ, taking hold of his hands, a smile instantly forming as he put on his ‘game face’. “Well hey there, sugar! Just look what I found me right here! Aren’t you just beautiful?”
AJ steadied himself on the man’s grip, looking up into his eyes. A silly, drunk smile was on his face. “Thanks.” He slurred out. “You’re not so bad looking y’self.”
The man, a male hooker by the name of Coco, pulled AJ in a little closer, wrapping arms around his waist. “Dance with me, sugar. Make my night.”
“’S no music.”
“We’ll make our own music.”
Zach settled himself down in a chair to watch the drama unfold in front of him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lying back on the bed, Brian watched the movie unfold on the TV. For most of the evening he and Nick hadn’t really talked much. They’d just settled in to watch movies, which was about all Nick was really up for at the moment. It was the same thing Brian had been doing with AJ all day, so it worked for him.
He found himself wondering if AJ would like the movie. That train of thought surprised him. Here he was, supposed to be taking care of Nick, and his thoughts kept drifting toward AJ.
It must have been noticeable, too, because Nick suddenly said “You’re awfully distracted tonight, Bri.”
“Sorry.” Brian shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts out. He looked over to the other twin bed where Nick was lying down. “Just lost in thought a little.”
“Aw, that’s ok. I’m not really much company anyways. You thinking about Age?”
Flabbergasted, Brian simply stared. Seeing his look made Nick chuckle. “You’re really not that hard to read, Bri, to someone who knows you. So, what’s going on?”
Brian rolled back over, his gaze straying to the ceiling. “I don’t know. Just, was watching the movie, then found myself wondering if he’d like it, then wondering why I was thinking about him at all.”
Laughter echoed in their room, followed by a quick bout of coughing. Brian hurriedly rose, grabbing a glass of water and bringing it over to Nick. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Nick to stop coughing before handing him the water. Grateful, Nick drank it. When it was done and he had put the cup back on the stand, he rested his head against the pillows and smiled up at Brian. “Probably shouldn’t laugh.” He said, his voice raspy from coughing.
“Probably not.” Brian said easily. But he was smiling as he said it. It was easier than he’d thought, to sit here on Nick’s bed and take care of his friend. Maybe it had something to do with getting some sleep and some food inside of him. Or maybe it was because Nick was sick, and a sick Nick was something that would always bring out the nurturing side of him. Either way, it was nice. Normal.
Sitting like this, Brian almost felt like they were the same two people they’d been before the attack had happened. Before he lost that feeling he forced himself to ask Nick something he could only say to his best friend. “Nick, I need your advice.”
“Sure. What is it?” Nick asked, stopping to blow his nose.
The words wanted to stick in Brian’s throat. But here, now, he knew that if he didn’t say them, he never would. So he forced them out in a rush. This had been eating at him since the night before, since he’d hugged AJ in the middle of the hotel room and his heart had seemed to give a little extra thump. “I don’t know what to do. Everything’s so screwed up right now. My life is so screwed up. I…I can’t even stand being touched all that often. I can’t imagine that life is ever going to be normal again. But…”
“But what?”
“Well, it’s just, last night when I got back to the hotel room with AJ, him and I talked. He was…he was really upset. Not mad at me. Scared. He was scared for me.” Brian looked down at his hands, still humbled by everything AJ had said. “He was shaking, telling me how terrified he’d felt. It, well, it made my heart ache. Everything else kind of went away and all I wanted to do was make him feel better.”
Biting his lip, Brian picked at his fingernail. “I hugged him. But it didn’t give me that feeling that I get, that scared, sick feeling in my stomach. It felt, nice. Kind of right. I don’t know what’s going on.”
For a long while Nick was quiet. When he spoke, his voice was soft. “I used to wish that you’d get that feeling with me.” He whispered. Brian’s head shot up in surprise, his eyes locking onto Nick’s. “What?”
“When you were with me, you never got that feeling. But you do when you’re with AJ. It kind of tugged at your heart, didn’t it?” Nick paused, coughing for a moment before continuing. “A little warm, flip floppy feeling in your chest.”
The implications of Nick’s words had Brian speaking softly “Yeah.”
“That’s love, Bri.” Three words, said so simply, yet meaning so much. Nick looked right at him. “You’re falling in love.”
Brian’s reaction surprised them both. He shot up off the bed. “You should probably sleep.” He told Nick. “It’ll help you feel better.”
For a minute it looked like Nick would protest. But then his features softened and he nodded, allowing Brian to escape back to the other bed. The movie played on, but neither man watched it. Each was lying on their respective beds, wondering about the same thing. Wondering what was going to happen now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Really, this man was way too easy! Coco barely had to do anything to get AJ starting to strip. Then again, that was probably the drugs in AJ’s system. He honestly didn’t even seem to know who he was with! That only made it worse. The disgusting bastard.
But Zach had a job to do. He pulled his camera out, snapping picture after picture of the two together. He got some great shots. Some of AJ on Coco’s lap, riding away, a look of pleasure on his face, his head thrown back. Or the two of them twined together on the bed.
When AJ was dressed again, half lying on the couch, Coco finished dressing himself and came over to Zach, one hand held out. Zach happily paid him the money. The man was disgusting, but he’d done a damn good job at what Zach had wanted.
“You know.” Coco said, counting through the money. “You might try him yourself. For as high and drunk as he is, he did a damn good job.” The hook pocketed the money and winked at Zach. “I didn’t even have to fake it.”
Disgust lit Zach’s face. Coco suddenly blanched before hurrying from the room.
Well, most of the plan was done. Now came the last part. Getting AJ back to the hotel. Zach cursed as he helped AJ finish dressing and helped him out of the room. He looked around, then looked at the man he’d had guard the door. He pulled out a hundred. “Get him out there where someone can get him home for me.”
“Sure thing, Zach.” The guy took the money and then stuck his shoulder under AJ’s arm, taking his weight.
Zach watched as the two headed back out to the main party. A moment later he followed, keeping enough distance that no one would think they were together. Once out there, he watched as the guy carried AJ toward the door. Someone else rushed up, one of the security guards that Zach had seen with the band. The guy took AJ off the other guy’s hands and soon they were out the door. Phase two of his plan was complete. Soon, phase three. Zach was grinning as he left the party.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later, Brian rose up from the bed. The movie was finished. On the other bed he could hear Nick snoring. Good, his friend needed sleep. Silently Brian walked over and shut off the TV. He hadn’t really been watching the movie. How could he, when all he’d been doing was thinking about what Nick had said?
A noise out by the hallway drew his attention. The others must be back. Good timing. His heart did a little jump at having AJ back. He could go to sleep now, feeling safe. It was so much easier to sleep when AJ was around. The nightmares never seemed as bad then.
On silent feet he moved out of Nick’s room, opening the door and slipping out, letting it shut quietly behind him. Then he turned around. What he saw was the last thing he’d ever thought he’d see again. A sight more familiar than he wanted to admit.
Marcus was walking down the hall, AJ’s arm around his shoulders, the younger man wobbling along beside him. A sudden lurch had AJ sliding to the ground. He hit with a thump and a laugh. Cursing, Marcus bent down to try and lift him, but AJ swatted his hands away and laughed harder.
What the hell was going on here? Brian saw Kevin and Howie standing in their doorways, sleep and confusion on their faces, quickly giving way to shock.
Marcus cursed again, breaking Brian out of his own shock. He hurried forward, not thinking about what he was doing, simply reacting. When he reached AJ, he squatted down by his head. “AJ.”
There was a dopey look on AJ’s face when he looked over at Brian. “Brian!” he exclaimed happily. “S’ lookin’ for you! Isn’t it a great night?”
“What on earth have you done, AJ?” Brian said with a sigh. “What happened to you?”
“Just had some fun, y’know? Man. That part was fun!”
Shaking his head, Brian stood up and took hold of one of AJ’s hands while Marcus grabbed th other. Together, they pulled him up. Brian had to let go of AJ’s hand to catch him at his shoulders. Their pull had almost sent him flying up and over onto his face. Brian’s quick reflexes managed to catch him before he tumbled yet again. “Come on, Alex. Let’s get you in my room.”
“M’kay.” AJ mumbled happily. Between Marcus and Brian, the two of them got AJ into the hotel room. Brian directed them over to the bed. They got him on it, sprawled out. “Thanks, Marcus. I’ve got him.”
“You sure?” Marcus asked.
Brian looked at the form on his bed. “Yeah. He’ll pass out shortly. Thanks for getting him back here.”
“No problem. You need me, you know where to find me.”
Once the door shut behind Marcus, he turned his attention back to AJ. He put his hands on his hips and surveyed his friend. What the hell had happened at that party? Sighing, he started to take AJ’s shoes off. “What happened to you, AJ?”
He didn’t expect an answer, but AJ gave him one. “Just had some fun. Was partying with Nick. That kid knows how to party!”
Partying with Nick? Confused, Brian straightened and tossed AJ’s shoes on the floor. Then he froze. Everything in him locked down tight. Ice seemed to fill his veins. No, it couldn’t be. No, no. Slowly he turned back and looked at AJ. “With Nick?” He asked hoarsely.
AJ snuggled down into the bed. His eyes slid closed, but his grin remained. “Mmhmm. He wanted some company, didn’t wanna be alone.”
“What, uh, what did Nick do with you, honey?” Brian forced his body to move, to sit down on the edge of the bed. He couldn’t break his eyes away from AJ.
“We went in the back. Kept getting m’ sodas for me. There were lo’s of people there, Bri.”
“I bet there was. So he gave you drinks, huh? Did he give you anything else?
“Mm.” AJ shuffled a little but didn’t answer. In another moment, he started snoring. Brian didn’t move. He stayed sitting there, staring at AJ’s face as his friend snored away. Fear clawed at the inside of Brian’s stomach. He knew, without a doubt he knew exactly what had happened. Oh God. What the hell were they going to do now? He pulled himself up onto the bed, resting against the headboard.
AJ rolled over in his sleep, throwing an arm over Brian’s legs, snuggling against his hip. He was going to feel like hell in the morning. Guilt ate at Brian’s stomach. This was all his fault. How on earth was he going to manage to fix this?
He stayed there, trying to figure it all out, until he fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh sweet Jesus. Marching bands were playing their way through AJ’s skull. Men with jackhammers were banging away at his temples. He moaned, putting one hand to his forehead. Son of a bitch. He felt like shit! What the hell had happened?
Sleep faded quickly underneath the pain in his head. He tried to open his eyes, but the light hit him and he gave a soft cry of pain. The sound of it echoed around in his skull, feeling like a lightning bolt. Nausea boiled in his stomach, threatening its way up his throat. He rolled to the edge of the bed, trying to get out to run to the bathroom before his stomach emptied itself.
A hand was suddenly there on the back of his neck and he felt something, a bucket or a trash can, pressed by his face. Gratefully he grabbed it in just enough time to hurl. The pain from heaving and the noises made it worse, making his head hurt more and the nausea stronger. It took a while before his stomach finished emptying itself.
When he was finally done he eased slowly back onto the bed. The hand left his neck and he heard footsteps moving away from him. In the distance he heard the sound of running water, then the flush of a toilet.
A moment later the person was back. Something was pressed into AJ’s palm, something small and round. “It’s pain reliever.” Came Brian’s soft voice. Something moved behind AJ’s head, an arm he thought, lifting his head just slightly. AJ put the pill in his mouth and allowed Brian to help him sip from a glass of water. After he’d swallowed it, Brian laid him back down.
AJ lay there for quite a while, waiting for the medicine to kick in. It started to fade a little, slowly, but enough to allow thought back in. Some things of the night were fuzzy, but some of them were far too clear. Sweet Jesus.
Pain built around his heart, stronger than even the pain in his head. God, what had he done? What the hell had he done?
A cool, damp cloth moved over his forehead and eyes, blocking the light and easing the pain even more. “Don’t move for a while.” Brian whispered to him. “Just give the pain reliever time to work.”
Nothing would numb the pain around his heart. “I’m sorry.” He said, his voice deeper and more raspy than normal. Self-loathing tinted it.
“How much do you remember, Alex?”
“Enough.” God, that was the truth. He remembered enough. “I fucked up, Bri. I fucked up hard.”
“Shh.” Brian’s hand stroked soothingly over his cheek. “Tell me what happened. Start at the beginning. Stop if you need to. I don’t want you hurting too much.”
AJ swallowed, trying to wet his dry throat. He gripped one hand into the bedspread, clenching it tightly. “I was talking with Howie. He was teasing me for sulking.” He began, trying to think back. “I wanted to drink. But I was only drinking a coke. I finished it and we went to dance. I felt…funny.” He paused, licking his lips.
The arm was back behind his head, lifting him up for another drink. When he was done, he reclined against the pillows again.
“I thought it was the heat and the music. I took a break. But I felt, I don’t know. Weird. Then Nick came over.” The fog on AJ’s brain cleared a little. Nick? Hadn’t Nick been here with Brian, sick? That was why AJ had gone in the first place!
A soft sigh came from Brian. “Nick was with me all night, Alex, until you came back.”
The implications of that left AJ breathless for a second. His mind ran over the events of the night. He forced himself to focus. To think of the face of the man he had thought was Nick. As some of the haze cleared, the nausea came back. He looked at everything he had done, everything that man had helped him with. One memory came startlingly clear. ‘Nick’ helping him out of a room and a guy stepping up, taking AJ and helping him away. What had he said to ‘Nick?’ “Sure thing, Zach.” Zach. Oh sweet God.
Images of what he’d done in that room came back to AJ right then. The whole reason he’d been in that room. What he’d done and what he’d let be done to him. The nausea came back stronger than ever. He sat up, feeling Brian jump off the bed, and groped his hands out. A second later the bucket was back. AJ grabbed it and threw up again, this time out of disgust.
The washcloth had fallen off of his face. Where, he didn’t know. But it let the light back in. AJ didn’t care. His brain was hurting him worse than anything else. Clear as a bell he saw everything he’d done. Fucking Christ.
Tears started to burn his eyes. He finished vomiting, laying back and letting Brian take the bucket away to empty it again. While Brian was gone, AJ curled up in the bed, burying his face in the pillow. His tears felt like fire as they leaked out of his eyes. What had he done? God!
“Alex.”
Brian’s voice startled him, as did the hand that gently brushed his hair back. “Talk to me, honey.”
“God, Bri, I fucked up so bad.” AJ found himself whispering. He squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to bring himself back under control. “He put something in my coke. I don’t know what, but something. We went back to this room and he kept handing me drinks, telling me it was more soda. I thought he was Nick.” The words poured out of him, a pleading sound to them, begging Brian to understand.
When Brian said nothing, AJ continued. “After a while I felt so good. It was all getting hazy around me. I kept drinking. Some of it kind of blacks out. But I remember kneeling by a table. I remember snorting, Bri. He didn’t shove it in my nose. I snorted it. God.” The tears burned hotter, faster. “He…he took me back to this room…” He couldn’t force the words to come out.
The hand on his hair stilled. He heard Brian’s sharp intake of breath, felt the tremble run through that hand, and knew instantly the conclusion that Brian had come to. Shit. He couldn’t let Brian think that! But to fix it, he’d have to tell him the truth.
AJ fought back the urge to puke again. He curled tighter around himself and prepared to lose the one person who mattered most in his life. But he refused to be dishonest with Brian. “There was a hooker in there. He…I fucked him. I’m pretty sure we were protected. I think I remember the condom. I don’t, it’s a little fuzzy in some parts. But no one forced me. I fucked the shit out of him.” He cut off, unable to keep talking.
Silence filled the room. Then, softly, “Oh, Alex.” Brian’s head dropped down, his forehead pressing lightly against AJ’s temple. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry he did this to you. I’m sorry he hurt you because of me.”
God! Leave it to Brian to feel guilt about this! “I did it, Bri!” he insisted. “I could have stopped it!”
“Alex, he drugged you, tricked you into drinking, and put you in a place to deliberately get you high when your defenses were down. He fed the addict in you then put it in its element. It’s not your fault. Oh, honey, it’s not your fault.”
The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on AJ. Hadn’t he said that sentence to Brian before? ‘It’s not your fault.’ But that advice was so much easier to give than to take. Brian had been an unwilling participant in his. AJ hadn’t wanted to do those things when he was sober, but being drugged didn’t excuse the.
Brian seemed to sense his internal debate. He pressed his advantage, speaking while AJ was still thinking. “The person you are when you’re using isn’t the same as the sober AJ. This guy, he knows that. He used that. It doesn’t mean that what you did was ok, but it does mean that the blame was on you. Whatever he put in your drink impaired your judgment. It made you not quite you. Lots of people have done things when drugged that they wouldn’t normally do. Don’t you dare take the blame for this, AJ!”
The logic of Brian’s words took some of AJ’s tension, but not all of it. He knew that some of it would take a long time to go away. He couldn’t just forget what he did. But one thought came through, more important than anything else. This stalker was getting more serious. If AJ wallowed in the pain, in the self-pity, then he wouldn’t be able to keep Brian safe. That was more important than anything else in the world. Keeping Brian safe.
“His name is Zach.” AJ said suddenly. He remembered again the man helping him, calling the guy Zach. It hadn’t registered the night before, but it did now.
Brian froze, pulling back a little. “What?”
“When I left that room, some guy helped me out on the floor. I heard him called him Zach. I thought it was weird that he called Nick that, but I didn’t care. I was feeling kind of like I was floating.”
So, they had a name to the face now. It wasn’t much but it was more than they’d had before. A name to the evil that was haunting their life. A name to the man who had destroyed Brian. A name to the face that AJ hated.
For a while they stayed there together, Brian’s hand on AJ’s hair. A chill wracked AJ’s body. Finally, the physical problems outweighed the mental. The tremors were running through him, making his entire body shake. The pain reliever had kicked in, dulling his headache, but that just left room for the craving to hit him full force.
It surprised him so much that he froze when Brian lay down on the bed behind him. In a move that AJ had never thought Brian would be able to do, Brian scooted up behind him and spooned their bodies together. There was a tremble to Brian’s hand when it wrapped over AJ and rested against his chest, but he stayed there.
Neither of them spoke. There were no words they could say right then. Together they lay there, each relieving their own pain, each wishing they knew what to do to help the other.