Zach was running through the woods, cradling that object safely in his hands. Oh, he had wanted to follow the ambulance and be sure that Brian, his Brian, had understood the implied message in his actions but he couldn’t leave that tiny object lying beside the wrecked car.
As soon as he saw it, he knew he had to have it. Thoughts and plans started to form inside his mind, each of them revolved around how that thing could bring him closer to Brian.
You’re an idiot! You should run away and hide!
Let him do whatever he wants. The circle is getting closer and closer and soon he will be doomed.
Stopping himself with an abrupt, he swirling around, looking at those guys that were mocking him. “Shut up!” A scream resounded in the quietness, fingers tugging the hair like they could pray away those voices. “Shut the fuck up!”
My, oh my, why you want to silence us? You shouldn’t have killed us. Now, you’re paying the dues.
“You deserved to die!” He kept screaming, without even a single care if someone was going to hear him. How they could? He was in the middle of a thick forest, miles and miles from the first house, the first where someone actually lived, and the lights coming from the scene of the wreck seemed like paling fireworks. And he had every right to scream, to regain control of a situation that no one could interrupt.
Why? Because we didn’t want to become someone we weren’t? Because you couldn’t get a hold of your fantasies?
Why were they screaming at him? They knew the truth, they knew that he and Brian were meant to be. He was only making that statement true, he was only getting what he deserved. The man he loved and the man that loved him. “He loves me! We’re meant to be!”
Really? You really think that Brian loves you? He doesn’t! He’s terrified by you!
Lies. Those were only lies. Lies feed by people who didn’t approve their love and who thought that he wanted to hurt Brian. How could they think that? He would never hurt his soul!
You raped him! You stalked him, hurt his friends... you should burn in hell!
Rape. Zach shivered at that word. It was so wrong to think of that about him. He didn’t force Brian, they made love. Maybe, it hadn’t been in the most romantic place of the world but he couldn’t let pass that chance. No, it hadn’t been rape. The connection between them had been by magic and pure love, that kind of love only a few elected people could feel.
He calmed down, taking deep breaths and willing those voices to get out of his mind. They didn’t understand, they would never understand just like everyone around Brian. They told him that they were protecting him while, in reality, they were only tearing them apart, putting lies between their love.
Because Brian loved him and he would prove that. He would prove to them that Brian loved him and that he would leave behind his so called friends to stay forever with him. Yes, that was what he was going to do.
He regained his steps, faster and faster because he didn’t want to waste any minute anymore. Who knew what they were telling Brian, who knew how many more lies they were creating to desecrate him. Soon, he found himself standing in front of an old and abandoned house, He didn’t chose it because no one seemed to live here since ages, although it was the best hidden place he could find in so little time. But, even if the appearances were like an old ruin, ready to collapse at any time, it was so perfect: just across the field, when the trees were less and less until they disappeared, there was Brian’s house.
Every night, every night since Brian had come back to Kentucky, he had been up in the only room that had a window with a wonderful view of that house, even if it was from a broken glass. But he could picture that blonde angel wondering around the room and watching his gift, those roses that spoke about his love for him.
Run away. Run away or surrender. Run away. Surrender. Run away. Surrender.
Voices still chanting around him, ghost for everyone who would be looking but real figure for the only one who could listen. But Zach didn’t pay attention anymore, all he could focus was the little metallic object inside his hands.
Nick’s phone. He didn’t care who was the owner, it mattered what was inside that phone. Brian’s number. Excitement bubbled inside him, anticipation made his head spinning. He would be able to hear his sweet voice, he would be able to tell him how much he was cherished... No one would interfere, no one would come between them and tell Brian about his lies.
He opened it and looked through the contact list. Brian, Brian, Brian... oh, there it was! Could he do it? Could he call him and tell him to just forget every little lies people had told him?
He would never believe you. He won’t. Don’t call him.
It wasn’t his fault! He wasn’t a bad person, he just wanted to be with Brian. No, it wasn’t his fault. There was only one to blame, now that Nick was out of the picture. That rebel one, that Aj. Always keeping himself attached to Brian’s side, always whispering words of hatred directed to him. And Brian, sweet and gentle Brian, couldn’t do anything because he was his friend.
As he dialed the number registered in the phone, a plan started to form inside his head. Oh, he would have to play the bad card and Brian might be hurt but it was all worth it. Because, after that, he would have the chance to make it up to Brian, to explain him why he had to be such a cold hearted bastard.
One, two, three rings.
Don’t do this. Don’t hurt him anymore.
Four, five, six rings. He wasn’t going to hurt him! Then, at the seventh, a click, static and then... then that beautiful and angelic voice.
He couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help to greet him. “Hello, my love.”
** ** ** ** ** ** **
Hospitals. Brian hated them, hated that plain white walls, those fake plants at every corner and the paintings, cheap imitation of much more famous ones.
As much as he hated them, he still respected the people working inside, from the receptionist at the front desk to the doctors. Hospitals were like a middle land between live and death, survivors that could walk out from it and victims that could only hope that hadn’t suffered too much before dying. Of course, between those extremes, were a different shades of situations but still he couldn’t brush off his own experience and how he learned that everything could change in a blink, going from good to worse and then back again.
That was the reason why, still fingers latched with his mom’s, he was trying to not think about Nick being there, somewhere in a surgery room and how many things could go wrong. Don’t do that. He’s going to be fine, it was just a cast.
But he didn’t know his injuries. From the blood still on Nick’s face, he could guess he was going to have a concussion, but the fear about some worse injury was still there, mocking him as he tried to shake it off. A broken rib could mean so many things going wrong and none of them were reassuring. It’s a broken leg, if he was worse they wouldn’t let you see him. What if he couldn’t dance again? Not that his dance moves were perfect but they were still part of his works and he couldn’t imagine a band without Nick. Without Nick showing off for the delight of the fans, flirting with them. Hell, he couldn’t imagine Nick not playing basket with him, always sure that he could beat him and always have to resign.
He shifted position in the hard and uncomfortable chair he was sitting and tried to change the course of his thoughts. Once again, he felt helpless. Nick had always looked up at him, asked him for answer or for solutions to his problem and every time, he had solved them. Now, he couldn’t. And the only reason was that... well, he himself was the cause.
It’s not your fault. Oh, in his mind, he knew logically that it wasn’t his fault, Alex had shown him clearly and loudly. But inside his soul? The message hadn’t arrived and still it was convinced that in some twisted ways it was his fault. Nick was in the car because he was coming to him, coming because Zach hadn’t left him alone and he freaked out. Again. You didn’t ask him to come, he did it because that’s what best friends do.
Brian knew he would have done the same exact thing or, better, he would have been by his side since the beginning. But... but that didn’t ease off the blame. Stop with that. Just stop.
Finally, he opened up his eyes and glanced around the waiting room: they had been brought into the general one, full of others people waiting for their children, loved ones or simply a friend. He didn’t notice them at first, too wrapped around praying for Nick. Anxiety started to raise its waves inside him, startled by the amount of noises he had managed to shut off while so lost with his thoughts. That was the second time he found himself in a crowed place and it was the second time he felt like he was about to crawl out of his skin. Yes, it was a hospital and it had to be protected but... who knew! He didn’t like being like that, he didn’t like being so cautions about people he didn’t know and misjudging them only by fears, his own fears about being hurt again.
He felt his mom’s grip tightened up, like she had sensed his uneasiness. Still, she stayed silent, knowing that words couldn’t help that time. He would feel better if Alex was there with him. Wasn’t too long his absence? Calm, Micheal is with him. But it was too long to just grab some coffee. Zach was going after him, that was for sure. Everything could happen because everyone had stated that Zach was only a crazy man but no one underlined how smart he was. Everything he had done, every action, had been planned with too much wealth of details to be done by a sick man driven only by his obsession. He was clever that much that he could mask himself as a nurse or a doctor and have all the freedom to go around and harm Alex.
“I’m gonna go find them.” He said getting up. Jackie and Harold looked at him confused, of course, since they didn’t hear all his internal thoughts.
“You’re okay?” Jackie asked, noticing the trembling hands Brian was trying to hide.
“Just need to find Alex.”
“We can call him, son. – Harold jumped in. – It’s not safe for you to wander around.”
“It’s not safe for Alex. He won’t hurt me but he can hurt Alex.” Brian replied, shifting from foot to foot and arms wrapped around his waist.
“Brian...” Harold started to protest but a hand placed upon his own stopped him. Jackie just looked up to Brian and smiled. “Be safe.”
“Thanks mom.” With a smile back, Brian turned around and walked in the opposite direction from the one Aj and Micheal had taken minutes before. That way, he didn’t hear the doors opening or closing, neither he heard Aj calling him. The feeling of the walls closing in on him was getting bigger and the need to find Alex was only a superficial excuse. Not that he didn’t need his presence but he needed more to be able to breathe and put on rest his nerves. So he kept walking, one step behind another, only focusing on walking straight as halls and walls blend into together, blurring images and so distant in his mind.
Lost he was that at first he didn’t even hear the ring of his phone. He didn’t even remember picking it up after Nick’s call but it was still in his pocket, vibrating and sending a disrupted ringtone. Only one could call him and that would be Alex. The first thing it came into his mind was that something had happened to Nick: gosh, that it was almost a habit of those days, always thinking about something bad instead than be positive and optimistic. For what he knew, Nick could be already in his room, scolding because he wasn’t there like he had promised and already bored by the fact that he had to stay in bed and not walking around. But why be optimistic when everything was always going wrong?
Brian pulled out from his pocket the phone and looked at the display, a frown appeared as soon as he read who the caller was. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be Nick the one calling, unless doctors had let him have his phone in the operation room. Who would have his number? Police? But it was Micheal who was dealing with that part of the accident and, if anything, Alex would take up the explanation just to let him not freak out. Gosh! How he hated that! Before this whole situation, he was the one, along with Kevin, who would always do the talks with management or the lawyers. Now, the mere thought of being in front of someone was enough to start a tiny panic attack, with sweating on his hands and cold trembles ranging around his nerves.
The phone still ringing and Brian decided to answer. He had to prove himself that he could be that man again, whoever was on the other side of the line wasn’t going to hurt him.
“Hello? Who is this?”
Static met him along with a defying silence. Maybe it was only a joke, maybe someone had found Nick’s phone and was only trying to find its owner.
“Hello, my love.”
Nothing had ever prepared him to that moment, the moment when he would hear again the voice that still haunted every minute and second of his life. He had tried to forget, tried to erase that memory but nothing had ever worked and now... now it was just too much of a nightmare. Those words, a whisper so loud in his ears, froze Brian. Cold ice gained control of every limbs and everything in the background disappeared, leaving him in the mercy of his worst nightmare. He could have screamed, he could have run until he was back in the waiting room where he would be safe. He could have done each of them and many others but he didn’t. From a place he didn’t know it still exited, he found a sheer and firm control. The fears were muted, the screams were locked down in the tight knot around his stomach and the grip on the phone became so tight that he could physically feel the strain in his fingers. This wasn’t the time to break down or being that weak body he had been from that night. Nick was in hospital, Alex could be the next one and everything depended on that phone call.
“Zach.” Brian rasped out as he opened the first door he found and got inside the room without even noticing what it was.
“Oh, so lovely of you to remember my name.” The voice was sweet, too sweet that seemed fake. And Brian knew it was a fake because no way in hell there could be an inch of sweetness in that man.
“You have Nick’s phone.”
“Yes, I found it still lying on the mud and I knew I had to have it so I could call you.”
He was pacing. Up and down, measured steps from the window to the door and then back again. “Why did you do that? Why hurt Nick?”
A laugh. Maniacal was the best adjective to describe it and a shiver ran down his spine. “You’re so naïve. And so trustworthy. You think that they’re your friends but they are manipulating you.”
“How?” He was going to follow his words, every information could be useful even if he didn’t know what he could do with them.
“Don’t you see? – The question was a scream, like Zach couldn’t believe his words. – They are telling you lies about me. About us. We’re meant to be together and they are trying to keep us apart.”
Oh gosh. Oh freaking goodness. He could feel his breaths coming more and more rapid and honestly this thing was scaring him. Calm down. Act. If he felt that you’re scared, who knew what he would do the guys. “I’m... I don’t believe them. – words forced out even if they made him feel sick. – You should know. You don’t have to hurt them, please.”
Zach mumbled something, what Brian couldn’t hear because he must have put away the phone. But he caught some glimpse and it seemed like he was talking, no arguing, with someone else. Oh, damn, how many more people were with him? What was that, a big Brian Obsessed Fan Club? “I was trying to protect you. It’s my job, I love you so much that I can’t bear to see you like that. Being a person you don’t like because people don’t get how much we love each other. - Nausea was slowly rising up, Brian could sense that flamed liquid burning everything inside him during its travel. He swallowed repeatedly and licked his dried lips, trying to not scream. – I have to. But you don’t worry, as soon as I take care of that rebel, you and I can be together. Finally.”
The implied message was worse than a punch in the gut. It left him with no air and for a second he could only see black dots swirling around his view. Before he could think about a response, a screamed “no!” escaped from his lips in a cry.
“No? What do you mean with no?”
The harsh tone brought Brian back. His mind ran wildly trying to come up with something, anything that could help him to save Alex. Nothing mattered more than that, nothing could prevent him to do the only thing he was still able to do.
“You don’t want to be with me? What did they tell you?”
Zach was still ranting about how devil his friends were and all Brian could think was that he had to find a way to stop him. How was the main problem. What he could say to talk Zack out about killing Aj? The thought was there, waiting for him to acknowledge him, but it was too scary. Too disgusting. But it was the only one. A deep breath and then he started his act, hoping that Zach could just believe every little word. “Of course I want to be with you. – Brian said with gritted teeth. – But you don’t have to harm him.”
“My love, always so sweet. I have to. He doesn’t take no as an answer, he’s forcing you to stay with him. I have to.”
“Please Zach. Think... think about the consequences.” Brian tried to reason.
“I’m thinking about them. The only effect would be you being with me.”
“Police is after you, Zach. If something happens to Aj, you would be the first they would look for. If they found you, we won’t be together.” Gosh, how much it hurt him to say those words. He wanted the police to find him, but not on the expense of Alex’s wellbeing.
“Trust me. Police is too stupid. They won’t find me.”
“I don’t want you to take any risk. Please, if nothing, just do it for me. Don’t hurt them anymore.” He didn’t care if it seemed like he was begging.
“I... Brian, they need to know! They need to know that you’re mine.”
Brian wanted to scream but he knew he couldn’t. “What... – he swallowed hard before force out his last attempt to save Alex. – What if I come to you? If I do, if I go with you, will you leave Aj alone?” It took every strain of self-control to say those words, he just hoped that Zach would just accept because he didn’t know how much he could hold on.
“You really love me?” Zach asked in a voice that Brian could only label as hopeful.
“You know I do.” Oh no, he couldn’t say those words. In the back of his mind, those words belonged to Alex, not to a crazy psycho man. Silence followed his statement. He didn’t even notice that he wasn’t pacing anymore, truthfully he wasn’t moving at all. He was on the floor, his back propped against the cold tile of the walls and a white door was looking at him.
“I believe you. – Zach pronounced after a minute. – If you come, they will know the truth.”
Relief swept through him, the first time he could feel warm again. His heart was beating furiously, beating a prayer of thanks directed to God. “Yes. They’ll know and they won’t do anything to stop us.”
“Then... I guess, I can spare that rebel. He should be grateful that you’re a pure soul, so gentle.”
“Give me one day. I have to make sure that they don’t follow me.” Brian rushed to close the call, a frail rope was the only thing that was letting him having a little control over the panic that was threaten to come in vengeance.
“One day. No more than twenty - four hours. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Me too.” He choked out. Leaning his head against the wall, he closed his eyes as a tear escaped from the barrier provided by the eyelids. Maybe, if he opened them, he would find out that it had only been a nightmare and he hadn’t sold his soul to the devil. Vaguely, he heard Zach murmuring something about the woods, although he knew that the information had been mesmerized by his mind. Vaguely, he heard himself saying that he would be there and then the click that told him that the call had ended. Now he could stop pretending to be strong, pretending to know that he knew how to fight back a panic attack. The wheezing sound echoed in the bathroom – finally he had found out where he was, seeing sinks and stalls - matching or alternating with the faster and faster beating of his heart. Before he could lose the last energy, he sent text to Alex, hoping that he would find him. He had to digit the words more than once, his fingers kept sliding because of the cold sweats.
“Help panic attk bthrm idk where”
The phone slipped from his hands, a thump that seemed much louder and yet still muffled by the many more noises, frightening sounds coming from his own body. Surrender was a hypnotic siren, singing sweetly and tempting about a place where there would be no pain and without a dread weight placed on his chest, marching the words that, no matter what, his life had taken the most wrong path and nothing could ever free him.
But it didn’t stop him to fight. If it had been some days ago, long before he had known about Alex, he would have gladly given up, finally thankful to be able to stop the pain. But now, even in the aftermath of that phone call, Brian didn’t lose the will to fight. He fought for every breath that didn’t want to come out and for every breath that didn’t want to come in. He fought the nausea, he fought the sense of become weaker and weaker as the minutes went by and his vision blurred until he could only see out of focus and objects were only a mix of colors. It was a losing fight, that he knew, but he wasn’t going to give up.
Just when he thought he couldn’t hold anymore, the sweet and angelic voice of Alex made it through the haziness around his mind. Then he let go, he let himself being pulled inside Alex’s arms. It could have been the last time, that he didn’t know.
He gave himself to Alex and everything finally stopped. No more nausea, no more being hard to breath. Only darkness.
** ** ** ** **
Kevin turned the page of the book he was reading for the past hours. Better say, ha was trying to read it because he had spent half of the time looking carefully at the boy sleeping in the hospital bed and the other half trying to make sense about everything that had happened since... well, since it all begun.
He felt completely useless, a feeling that he had felt only few times in his life, although they had been the worst moments he had to go through.
He felt useless staring at Brian still deep in the drugged sleep and remembering the frantic call he had received from Aj, the search thought all the floors of a too big hospital knowing that any minute could be fatal. Last time Brian had a panic attack of that level, he gave up. Maybe it hadn’t been intentional, maybe he had been too tired and exhausted to fight but that time he had surrendered. This time it had been different but not less scary: finding him in a bathroom, appearing smaller than he had ever been and that look in his eyes, the only voice left inside that he could use to scream for help. After that, after those slowly moments when it seemed that the only people in the room were Brian and Aj, everything went in a flash: doctors, nurses, those orders that Kevin could understand and spoke about something much worse than a simple attack, the fear liking everyone in the waiting room, only broken for a split second about the news that Nick was okay and ready to be brought back in his room. Then, they were back in that waiting game so tiring, no one speaking but holding each other to the fact that Brian was fighting. Gosh, how could he forget the look on Aj’s face? Alone in a corner, curled up and mostly battling himself up about all the things he should have done and he didn’t do.
Still, no one knew what could have trigger that kind of blown. Stress, tiredness... Brian’s doctor had come up with every reason possible but still Aj wasn’t sure about them. And, honestly, even Kevin himself couldn’t agree with the diagnosis. Because he had seen Brian, he had witness the change in his cousin, how he had gone from being just a shell of his former self to someone who was trying to build himself up again. Consequently, it had to be something very big and deep if Brian had been reduced like that, like a broken doll without strings.
Only Brian could tell them and it was going to be another hour before he would wake up. That was why he was there while Aj was with Nick. At first, no one wanted to tell the younger the truth but just like Brian could sense when something was wrong with Nick, the same sense had Nick refusing to believe the lie that Brian was speaking with Micheal. So Aj was down trying to keep Nick in the bed, after promised that no soon as Brian was awake, they would have them room together.
Kevin resumed the line he was reading, missing the little flick of Brian’s eyelids.
** ** ** ** **
Consciousness slipped through the waves of blackness that surrounded him, bringing along the returned feeling of being a body and not only a soul swimming in an infinite ocean of nothing. Before even trying to open his eyes, Brian tried to clear the fog around his brain. This time he remembered clearly where he was and why he was lying in a hospital bed, tubes sticking out of his arms and probably a mask over his face, judging by the amount of fresh and pure oxygen he was able to breathe.
Aside from the steady beat of his heart, silence surrounded him. Was he alone in the room? Before anxiety could rise above the normal level, he reminded himself that no way in heaven Alex would leave him alone. If only by a few minutes, that he could manage. Because it gave him time to think and reconsider what happened in the bathroom.
Zach and their deal, a pact made by himself. It made him sick just thinking about being near that man and he himself had proposed to go with him? Yes, he had done that and he would have done it countless times if it meant hearing Zach saying that he would spare Alex. Now he just had to think how to run away without anyone noticing. This panic attack didn’t help him, though, since most likely he would be locked in that room until the day after and then followed closely by... everyone. There went his resolution: making sure everybody believed him in his act of being okay and alright to be left alone at the house, maybe manipulating Aj into staying with Nick so he couldn’t stopped him. Would he be able to lie to Alex? That was something he wasn’t good anymore, for the man had become so much part of himself that he knew him more than Brian knew himself. It would take a little hesitation, a misplaced word and Alex could uncover his plan. And Lord had mercy on him if that would happen!
He tried to change position but that little movement brought pains and stiffness from muscles and bones and Brian couldn’t stop the groan.
“Brian? You awake?” The voice belonged to Kevin, so someone was indeed by his side.
“I guess.” He replied, removing the mask while opening his eyes and waited for everything to focus. The more he was awake, the more he became aware about how dry his throat felt or how just awful he was feeling. But Kevin must have sensed something because a glass of water appeared on his hand, with the recommendation to slip it slowly. He drank it slowly, the cold liquid felt wonderful and made his mind clearer. “Where is Alex?”
“He’s with Nick. He was the only one who managed to stop him to come up here with you.”
Nick. It made him smile thinking how Nick would always said that he wasn’t able to protect him and then he was the one being the most protective between them. “How is he?”
“Frustrated because of the cast. – Kevin replied with a laugh. – They wanted him to use a wheelchair but he had bickered until they agreed to let him use the crutches. He’s worried. All of us are. What happened, Brian?”
Brian lowered his gaze, biting the inside of his lip. “Bathroom. I went in and then realized that the last time I had been in a public restroom... I met Zach there.”
Kevin didn’t reply, taking a moment to think over his words. It was plausible but still it didn’t convince him at all. And the fact that Brian wouldn’t meet his eyes was telling that it was more than a simple memory. “What else?”
“Nothing.”
“Brian, I know you. I know that there is something else. The last time you had an attack like that... – In that moment, Kevin made the connection. The last panic attack that severe happened after Brian had seen Zach in the backstage of the show. – Zach. Zach was there, didn’t he?”
“No.” Brian denied firmly.
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not lying. He wasn’t there. Not at least physically.” He added, knowing that he couldn’t keep on his excuse. And, maybe, telling Kevin could offer him an alley, someone who could help him in taking far from him Alex.
“What do you mean?” Kevin asked in a worry tone.
“He has Nick’s phone. He found it on the ground and took it. Then he called me.”
“Oh shit. - No wonder Brian had panicked like that. Half of him didn’t want to hear but he knew that in that moment Brian mattered most. – What did he say?”
“The same things he always says. – Brian downplayed, not really wanting to reveal too much. – He loves me, he thinks that you are all telling me lies about him. That we belonged together.”
Kevin passed a hand on his face, letting out a frustrated moan. “Man, he’s that crazy?”
“Yes. – Brian answered, his fingers playing mindless with the brim of the white sheet. – That’s why he’s going after you guys. In his eyes, you’re the obstacles between him and me. If he removed them, we could be together.”
“That’s why he caused Nick’s accident. And Aj’s drugs.”
“He won’t stop until he has me, Kevin. And it’s not difficult to see who would be his next target.”
“Aj.”
“Alex. - Brian breathed out, the agony vividly impressed in his tone. He raised up his eyes and locked with the emerald ones. – I can’t let it happen, Kevin. I can’t stay here and doing nothing while he tries to kill Alex. I just... I can’t.”
Fear gripped Kevin’s soul, twisted it around in a death lock. He didn’t like what Brian was saying. Not at all. “We won’t let it happen, Brian. I’ll call Micheal, he can trace down Nick’s phone and...”
“Bet he’d already got rid of it. He might be crazy but he’s very clever. He won’t do any mistakes.”
“What do you suggest?”
“I... – for a moment, Brian’s voice got caught inside his throat. It wasn’t going to be easy buy Kevin had to understand why he was doing that. – I talked him out.”
“How?”
“I made a deal with him.”
A deal? Brian had made a deal with that man? He was about to ask him what kind of deal but then... it clicked. Unselfish as he was, he had promised Zach the only thing that he wanted. “Tell me you didn’t.”
Brian didn’t falter neither he lowered his gaze. Firm as he could be, he kept his eyes upon the older ones. “I did what it was needed.”
“Needed? Needed?” Kevin asked in a rage, anger masking his fears. The chair fell backwards and he was soon pacing in front of the bed, where Brian just sat there and looked too calm. Of course he was calm, it was like he had already decided that nothing could talk him out of this and boy if he was stubborn!
“Needed. Yes. I won’t let Aj be hurt, even if it’s a single hair. Not because of me, not because someone is this obsessed with me.”
“Don’t you think about the consequences? Zach can hurt you!”
“Oh, like he had raped me? Or how he had tortured me? He’s already hurt me and he won’t kill me. Therefore, I’m not afraid. What he can do is something he’s already done. But it will hurt me more, no, it will kill me and shatter me if I let him close to the ones I love.”
“We just want to protect you.” Kevin tried to male Brian reasoning.
“I want it too. So, why it is fair for you to be hurt because you want to protect me but it isn’t right for me to do the same thing?”
Kevin didn’t know how to reply. Because Brian was right but it didn’t seem fair all of it. “It’s not the same thing.”
“Why? Why it isn’t? – Brian asked back. – It’s the same thing. You guys love me so you want me to be safe. And the same goes with me. Put yourself in my shoes: if someone threatens Kristin’s safety because of you, won’t you do the same thing? Won’t you do all that you can to ensure her safety?”
Busted. With that statement, Brian had probably won every other fight. Because it was the true, if he was in Brian’s position, he would have done the same thing. Nothing mattered more than Kristin. He sat down on Brian’s bed and took a hand in his. Before he could say something, Brian tightened up their grip. “It’s the only way and you know it, Kevin. I don’t like it, I don’t wanna be separated from Alex but if it means that he’s safe and that he can still live... that’s what I’m going to do.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow. And I need your help.”
A frown appeared between his eyebrows. “You want me to keep him silent?”
“He can’t know, Kevin. He can’t. I don’t know how I will be able to play it cool and let him think that I can be alone just enough so I can sneak out. I need you to help me. I know I’m asking you too much but... will you? Please?”
Kevin knew he was going to regret his decision. He didn’t like it, even if it was the most logical thing to do under the circumstances. But it was Brian’s choice and he had to trust him on this. “I don’t know if you’re more stupid or just the most courage person I’ve ever meet.” He admitted, silently accepting what Brian was asking him.
“I just love Alex.” Brian commented, in his eyes a light was showing more gratitude than words could ever meant.